


The Thing You Love Most

by WhimsyNeptune



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Just wants to protect Kara, Alex’s Alcoholism is confronted, Angst, Because I don’t believe Kara would actually ignore it like she does in the show, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, If WestAllen can do it so can Kalex, Max Lord is a Jackass, Pseudo-Incest, Sad Alex Danvers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-03-30 20:26:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13959363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhimsyNeptune/pseuds/WhimsyNeptune
Summary: Kara shook her head. “Alex, please don’t do this today. I’m exhausted and sore. I just want to go to bed.”“Please, Kara… I’m sorry! You were right.” She said. “I drink way too much, and it’s getting to be unhealthy, so I’ve decided that I’m going to start going to AA meetings. Okay? You were right!” She said pleadingly.Or,Alex saved Kara in the most reckless way possible, and it could possibly cost her everything.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been horrendous. Catastrophic, really. Their fight had turned out to be the worst they’d ever had.

Alex was terrified that this would be enough to ruin them, and she had never once feared that before. Their bond was something that nothing could ever compare to, and although Kara saw it as sisterly, Alex knew better. It was more, but Kara didn’t see it that way… Not anymore.

They had fooled around a few times as teenagers. Before Eliza caught them kissing in the shed behind their house and pounded into their skulls that they were ‘sisters’ and insisted that they stopped. After that Kara refused to continue anything romantic with Alex.

That discussion had turned into a huge quarrel because Alex never wanted to stop, she wanted to love Kara like no one else could, but Kara refused, and Alex didn’t take it well at all. 

She’d treated Kara like a mortal enemy until their senior year because of how devastated she was; but never once did she stop loving Kara, and if the blonde had asked to resume their fling, Alex wouldn’t have said no.

They made up and became _sisters_ eventually; once Alex got her head out of her ass and realized that Kara stopped their dalliance because she had lost her entire world, family, and everything she loved and was afraid of being disowned by another family. The Eliza and Alex were all Kara had, and losing them would destroy her, so Alex did what she would always do, and put her needs and desires aside for Kara’s benefit.

Then came the dating scene. Alex hadn’t dated much, and then finally years later came out to Kara, which had been an emotional roller coaster.

Afterwards she started dating Maggie, trying to bury her feelings for Kara in the Detective, but failed miserably. They ended up breaking up, Alex using the (false) fact that she wanted children as an excuse to end things… But the real reason it had to end was that she loved Kara… It was always Kara.

However, Kara had an even worse dating experience. She managed to get into a toxic relationship with a misogynistic slaver from Daxam, and luckily Mon-El had had to leave Earth with the rest of the Daxamite invaders when Kara had used the lead-bomb against Rhea.

That man wasn’t worthy of the dirt on the bottom of Alex’s shoe, let alone her goddess of a sister. Seeing Kara with him had killed her.

This entire situation killed Alex, really, because still, after all this time, she was irrevocably in love with Kara. Which was why she was sitting anxiously on Kara’s living room couch, waiting for the Girl Of Steel to get home from the Deo. She planned to do whatever it took to get their sisterhood back on track; she’d even beg for forgiveness if that’s what it took. She would do anything, or let Kara do anything to her if it meant that they could go back to being sisters again. After an excruciating two week period without Kara by her side, she desperately needed Kara back.

It had been an hour since she entered the loft, Kara should have been home over forty-five minutes ago, and although that was unusual, it wasn’t going to deter Alex from waiting. She had fucked up **majorly** , and she was going to repent in whatever way was necessary to get their relationship back.

Kara had fought Maxwell Lord’s latest creation that day. He had engineered what he called an ‘anti-Kryptonian’ robot, and it had been a very close call. Kara had managed to destroy the damn thing, but there were a few times where Alex thought she was going to lose Kara without ever getting the chance to apologize to her and make things right… That thought had terrified her and brought her to Kara’s apartment immediately after Kara had gotten released from the sunbeds.

The fight was terrible, and Alex had been forced to take extreme measures. No matter how many times Kara knocked down the robot, it kept repairing itself and starting up again. Eventually, Winn had discovered that it was being remotely controlled from a control room inside Lord Technologies, so Alex found the control panel, knocked out the men controlling the robot, and then destroyed the control panel. After making sure the building was vacated, she had doused every damn floor with jet fuel (Maxwell had 100 gallons of it in his lab, seemingly using it to fuel his massive laboratory) and then lit it on fire.

Kara didn’t know that. Alex made sure of it. She swore Vasquez and J’onn to secrecy because she wanted Kara to feel victorious… She didn’t want Kara knowing that she had helped. Everything had gone flawlessly, except for one thing, Maxwell had seen her set the fire, and promised her that he was going to hurt her where he knew it would break her. She wasn’t sure how he would be able to do that, considering that everything that he had that could be a threat to any of them had ben annihilated by the flames.

She smirked as she remembered the fury in the man’s eyes… He’d never looked so livid, not even when she had turned him down at the offer of a second date. She enjoyed knowing that although she didn’t have enough evidence to get him arrested and couldn’t take his freedom away, she had taken everything else he loved from him.

She reveled in the pleasure that knowledge brought her for a few more minutes, but then her mind shifted elsewhere, and it began showing her flashbacks from the fight… the fight that had resulted in Kara refusing to speak to her.

 Guilt consumed her as her mind once again, brought her back to that fateful night two weeks ago:

_“Alex, it’s time to go home, honey. You’ve had plenty of liquor for the night. Will you please come with me?” Kara’s voice pleaded earnestly with her older sister. She had come as soon as the bartender had called her to pick Alex up for the fifth time that week. “I’m really starting to worry, Alex… You’ve been getting drunk every night for weeks. I know you’ve had issues with alcohol in the past, but I really think that this time you should get some help.”_

_Alex scoffed, she wasn’t even that drunk yet. Three beers and three shots of Jose Cuervo were nothing to her anymore. She was embarrassingly sober for all the alcohol she had consumed. She had all the reason in the world to be mad anyway. Kara shouldn’t be flirting with people at work. It was unprofessional and made Alex extremely jealous… not that she would know that. “Trying to save me? Since when does my wellbeing ever matter to you?” She slurred… perhaps she was a tiny bit tipsy._

_Kara jerked back as if she had just been punched in the face, as a look of hurt spread across her face. “Alex, it’s always mattered to me. You matter to me.” She said as concern filled her voice. “You’re my sister, Alex, and I love you.”_

_“Right.” Alex scoffed. “Just like you’ve always been straight.”_

_“What are you talking about, Alex?! I do like men!  I’ve told you multiple times that I like men and woman, Alex.” _

_Alex stood up harshly, knocking over the stool she had been sitting on. “Don’t pretend to be the loving, caring, selfless little sister… because we both know that isn’t who you actually are! You’re hypocritical. You say you’re tired of hiding who you truly are, but you’re still doing it! You don’t like men, Kara. You just settle for them because that means that what we’ve done, what you used to feel for me, wasn’t serious. But it was!”_

_Kara shook her head, clearly trying to make sense of everything. “I don’t even understand why that was brought up, let’s just get you home, Allie. You’re drunk and saying things that you don’t actually mean.” She finished, offering Alex her arm._

_Alex growled. “no! I’m calling you out on your bullshit! You’re lying to yourself Kara. Just like you’ve lied to everyone else! You’re pathetic!” As soon as the words left her mouth, Alex realized that she was, in fact, very tipsy._

_Tears were streaming down Kara’s face now, making Alex’s chest clench. “ **I’m** pathetic?! Really? I’m not the one that got into a relationship with someone, proposed four months later, and then cut it off because I ‘wanted’ kids when I don’t actually want kids because I don’t want to leave them as orphans if I get killed on the job one day. I’m not saying you’re pathetic, Al, I’m just saying… Glass houses.”_

_Alex had had enough, and without thinking, irrational anger took over, and she snapped and slapped Kara as hard as she could in the face. Her eyes went wide the moment she did it not only from the searing pain in her hand from slapping a person made of steel but also because of the look of hurt in Kara’s eyes. “Kara I- I’m so sor-,”_

_Kara shook her head, stopping the apology from leaving Alex’s mouth. “Don’t.” She said. “You’ve killed someone that I loved greatly, and let someone else take the blame for it, lying to me for weeks about it, and I didn’t even **once** think of causing you any sort of pain and instantly forgave you. Yet, I tell you I’m worried that you’re drinking too much, and you randomly bring up my sexuality and try to invalidate it, but you hit me as well!?! Did you think that my powers hadn’t yet come back from the fight with the Braalian? Were you trying to **genuinely** hurt me? Because that felt like a pretty hard slap for a human.”_

_Alex was panicking; she just wanted a rewind option so that she could start this night all over again. “I- I... yes?” She had no idea what to say, and she wanted to slap herself twice as hard as she slapped Kara._

_Kara stood up from the barstool slowly, placed a fifty on the counter, hoping that would be enough to cover at least a part of Alex’s tab, and slowly walked out of the building. Alex drunkenly chased after her, desperate to fix what she’d done. “Kara! Stop it goddamn it; you’re being a fucking child!”_

_Kara swirled around angrily. “HOW!?!” She yelled tearfully. “How am **I** being a child, when I’m not the one acting petulant because my sister isn’t who I **want** her to be!? I’m not trying to tell you who you should be, and what you should like! I’m not  hitting you! That’s all on you, Alex! All I tried to do was take care of you, to suggest getting help for the alcoholism that you’ve recently fallen back into, but I’m done. I’m done trying to make sure you’re okay when you don’t give a rat’s ass whether you are or not. I’m done dropping everything just to come running every time you have your personal bartender call me to come pick you up from the bar because you decided to get plastered for the **fifth** consecutive day. You don’t want my help; you just want me as a chauffeur. You don’t like who I genuinely am, and you don’t accept me as the person I’ve grown into. You want me as your personal bodyguard and hangover nurse, and I’m fed up with it! You won’t stop drinking yourself into unconsciousness no matter how many times I beg you to get help, so I’m done. I can’t do this anymore, Alex. I can’t watch you kill yourself!”_

_Alex knew that she fucked up, but she desperately wanted to fic this, or better yet, justify her actions. “I’m not an alcoholic. I’m just drunk.”_

_Kara shook her head. “You **are** an alcoholic. You are **always** drinking every chance you get. And, at first I thought that you were drunk, but you’re not. You don’t act like this when you’re intoxicated beyond repair, you act like a whiny little child, but you also slur your words and ramble. None of which you are doing currently. You may be tipsy, but you aren’t drunk, and you know exactly what you’re saying and doing. If I’m such a hypocritical and pathetic liar, how about you stay away from me? Hm? Sound like a plan that we can both agree on?”_

_Alex’s heart ached because, no, that did **not ** sound like a plan that they both could agree on. “Kar-.” Before she could finish her sentence, Kara was gone in a blur._

That’s why Alex was currently alone, waiting anxiously for Kara to return home. She needed Kara; she needed to apologize to her, to beg her for forgiveness, and regain their bond; because a life without Kara wasn’t a life.

She stayed sitting on the couch, waiting fretfully for her sister’s return for another half hour before she finally heard the sound of Kara’s undeniable footsteps approach the door and the sound of a key entering the lock. Alex’s heart began to pick up its pace as the door opened to reveal her gorgeous foster sister. As soon as the Kryptonian walked through the door Kara’s soft humming stopped, and her face steeled. “Alex,” She greeted guardedly.

“I’m at your disposal, Kar’,” Alex said, fighting back years.

Kara shook her head. “Alex, please don’t do this today. I’m exhausted and sore. I just want to go to bed.”

“Please, Kara… I’m sorry! You were right.” She said. “I drink way too much, and it’s getting to be unhealthy, so I’ve decided that I’m going to start going to AA meetings. Okay? You were right!” She said pleadingly.

Kara pursed her lips. “I don’t understand why you treated me the way that you did that night Alex. All I was trying to do was take care of you… It’s what we always do.”

Alex had no idea how to explain herself without giving away her true feelings, so she tried her hardest to explain herself. “I’m so sorry for that night, Kara. I just…” She sighed and shook her head exasperatedly. “I was mad at you… But not for any good reason. I was jealous because you were talking to the newbie agent all day and we didn’t really get a chance to talk.” That was false, she was jealous because Agent Sanchez was flirting with Kara, and Kara was enjoying it… But she couldn’t tell her that. Kara was her sister.

Kara glared at her. “You were jealous of t _hat_? Alex, you were engaged to Maggie for six months and practically ignored my mere existence. I’m allowed to have friends…”

Alex sighed and nodded. “I know, Kara… I know. I don’t know how else I can express how sorry I am. I know I was stupid and hateful, and you have every reason not to forgive me. All I can do is say that I’m sorry, that I don’t believe any of the things I accused you of, and I will try to be better.”

The Kryptonian hero threw her purse and jacket on the kitchen table before walking over and sitting next to Alex. “You hurt me, Alex.”

Alex’s heart shattered at that. “I know.” She said tremulously as tears leaked from her eyes. “And I will never forgive myself.”

As soon as her last sentence passed her lips, Kara’s hand found Alex’s. “Hey, shh. C’mere.” She said as she pulled Alex onto her lap and enveloped the older woman in a tight hug. “You’re my sister,” Kara stated softly, driving the knife straight through Alex’s heart at the reminder of why they could never be together. “And I’ll always love you, no matter what.” She said, echoing Alex’s own statement from the Red Kryptonite incident.

“P-promise?” Alex asked weakly.

She felt Kara’s head nod atop of her own. “OF course, Alex. We can get through this. As long as you promise me that you will get sober. No more alcohol.”

Alex nodded rapidly. “I went to my first meeting yesterday. I promise you, Kara. I will get sober.” _For you,_ she wanted to add. “No matter what, I won’t let you down, Kar’. No more alcohol… Not even Wine Coolers.” She vowed.

Kara chuckled. “Good to know.”

**XXX**

The rest of that night had been spent watching scary movies and eating dozens of pot stickers before Kara passed out on the couch. Alex chuckled at her baby sister as she slid a pillow under her sister’s head and covered her up with her fluffy unicorn blanket. She kissed Kara’s forehead softly and whispered. “I love you, Kar’. I’ll see you in the morning.” Against her forehead.

Kara groaned as she opened her eyes and pulled the Agent into a tight hug. “I love you too, Alex. Always.” She said sleepily.

Alex returned the awkward embrace as much as she could, given their position, and smiled at finally being in her sister’s good graces once more. “Sleep well, Kar’,” She whispered.

A pout formed on Kara’s sleepy face. “Stay?” She asked sadly.

And, _oh_ , did she want to. But staying all night in Kara’s embrace was too much for her right then. It’d be a bittersweet torture, and she couldn’t handle it. She was much too weak. “Not tonight sweetie. Another time though, okay?”

Kara frowned but nodded sleepily before sleep took over her once more. Alex chuckled and exited the apartment. On her way to the elevator, a strange man in a top hat pushed passed her. “Watch it, buddy!” Alex growled as she entered the elevator. She’d never seen him before, he must’ve just moved in, and if she ever saw him again, she’d give him a piece of her mind. She huffed and leaned back against the elevator as she waited for it to hit the first floor.

**XXX**

 

An hour later, Alex stepped out of the shower, toweling her hair when her phone started ringing. She looked at the screen and smiled when she saw a FaceTime coming through from her sister. She chuckled, surprised that the hero had woken up so soon, and clicked the green button to accept. “Kara, you should be sleepi-,” She cut herself off, as her heart rose to her throat. “MAXWELL!?!” She asked angrily. “What have you done with her!?!”

The man on the other side of the phone had on a strange contraption on his head. He smirked devilishly as he spoke.  “You decided to take everything I cared about away from me, so I decided to return the favor.” He said with a cocky laugh. He then flipped to the rear camera where a very battered Kara hung from her wrists.

“KARA!!!” She yelled tearfully.

“Alas, Supergirl has fallen.” Lord said in faux-sadness.

“Let her go, Maxwell, or I swear to God I’ll-“

“You’ll what, Agent Danvers?” He interrupted. “What have I left to lose besides my actual life? You’ve taken away everything else I’ve got. But, I still had two things in my apartment just incase this ever happened.” He said as his hand came out from behind the phone to point to the cuffs shackling Kara to the ceiling. “Kryptonite handcuffs.” He paused. “And this.” He said as he moved the camera to show a syringe filled with a red liquid. He picked up the needle and propped the phone up.

“Max. Whatever you’re doing, please don’t.” Alex pleaded as she collapsed to the floor feeling utterly helpless.

She watched as Max smacked an unconscious Kara. “Wake up, _Supergirl_!” He crooned.

Kara’s eyes fluttered open groggily, as she looked around her. “Kara! Oh, thank god. Sweetie, we’re going to get you out of there, okay?”

“ _No_ , she’s not.” Max laughed. As he rose the syringe to Kara’s throat.

“A-Alex. H-help.” Kara whimpered weakly.

The agent’s lip began to tremble. “Kara, I’m right here, sweetie. I’m right here.”

Kara nodded. “Okay.”

“Any last words for your sister, Agent Danvers?” Maxwell asked.

“PLEASE!” Alex begged. “Please, just… Take me! Kill me, not her!”

Maxwell tsked. “You should have just killed me, Alex. That’d have been less painful. At least I’m giving you an opportunity to say goodbye to the thing you love most. I’d take it… Because it’s more closure than I’ll ever get.”

Alex let out a sob. This was her absolute worst nightmare. Why hadn’t she just stayed with Kara when she asked? Why had she been so goddamn reckless at Lord Tech? Why?

“Kara, Kara, sweetie. I love you.” She whimpered. “I love you so damn much.”

Kara’s eyes met the phone. “Alex,” She whispered.

The older sister let out another cry as she nodded, her sobs overtaking her as she nodded. “Yes, sweetie. It’s me.”

“I- I love you too, Alex,” Kara whispered.

Alex wiped her tears away, getting ready to plead with Maxwell to let Kara go, but before she could say anything, he shoved the syringe into Kara’s neck and injected the red liquid into her bloodstream.

“ ** _NO_**!” Alex yelled tearfully.

Max laughed at the desperate older sister, and just as he did so, Kara’s body began convulsing, and she let out an earth shattering scream of agony.

Alex’s heart shattered, her world began to dim, her lungs burned as she tried to force them to do their job, and her stomach felt like it was going to explode. “ ** _KARA_**!!!” She cried out.

After a few more moments, Kara’s body fell limp against the chains, and Maxwell clapped his hands proudly as he smiled. He walked back over to where the phone was propped up and spoke with a broad smile on his face “You took away the thing I loved most, so I took away the thing you loved most. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.” He said before he disconnected the call.

Alex immediately called J’onn as she tried to gather her thoughts. “Alex?” He asked questioningly.

“J’onn! I need you to have Winn trace Kara’s phone. Immediately!”

Within moments, they had the location, and Alex was on her way with backup to follow.

**XXX**

It would typically have taken her forty-five minutes to reach her destination, but this time it only took her twenty. It was an old waterpark, not abandoned, just temporarily closed down for maintenance, and although it was random, it was at least refreshing that it wasn’t some abandoned warehouse.

She found where he had been keeping Kara, and immediately sprung into action. She busted down the office door, gun ready to fire, but all she was faced with was an empty room, besides Kara’s lifeless form.

“KARA!” She screamed as she surged toward her sister. She slipped her wrists free from the cuffs and caught the alien in her arms before she hit the ground. “Kara, Kara, sweetie, please. Wake up for me!” She urged as she shook the Kryptonian’s head. But, to no avail. She refused to wake up.

**XXX**

It had been three days, and they still had no idea what Maxwell had injected Kara with. It had been touch and go for the past 72 hours, and still, there had been no signs of recovery. They had kept Kara under the sunbed, and still, nothing was happening, and Alex was beginning to lose hope.

She had refused to leave Kara’s side, not wanting to miss the moment if she woke up, but it seemed as if that weren’t going to happen.

She let her sobs take over her once more. She rested her forehead on the hand she held in her own when the monitors began to beep uncontrollably. Alex instantly rose her head as her eyes went wide and hope filled her heart. “Kara? Kara, are you there?” She asked hopefully.

Kara bolted up with wide eyes and looked around the room. When she met Alex’s eyes, she furrowed her brows. “Wh-Who are you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to post this fic for a while now... I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter two will be up sometime this week:)
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

Alex’s heart was on fire.

 Kara didn’t know who she was?? Surely this wasn’t going to be permanent… Just a slight memory lapse? “Kara?” She asked, tears fighting.

“H-hi.” Kara stuttered, frowning slightly.

Alex relaxed a bit. At least Kara knew her own name, she probably just had a slight memory lapse… She seemed to recognize her surroundings. She stood up, ready to give Kara a kiss on her cheek, but Kara recoiled and almost fell off the bed. Alex’s heart shattered… Did Kara blame her for the kidnapping?

“Kara, I’m so sorry about Maxwell, but we’ll find him,” Alex said tremulously. “I swear to god we will, K-“

“Don’t worry about Lord, it wasn’t him that got to me, it was some strange alien dude, but I flung him into outer space.” The hero shrugged. “Are you new here?” Kara asked. “I haven’t seen you around here before, and normal agents don’t try to kiss my cheek.” Kara chuckled “It’s actually against DEO policies. I’m not sure if where you were transferred from was a bit different, so I just thought that I would let you know.” Kara said with a confused smile. She was being kind, and she looked to be the same person that she had always been: kind, selfless, understanding, but instead of a bubbly personality with a tiny bit of pain in her eyes, she had a stoic personality, with pain all over her face… What had happened to her?

 _She remembers the DEO, she remembers their handbook, but she doesn’t remember me. Why doesn’t she remember me_?

“R-right. I’m sorry, it’s just that I am such a fan of you.” Alex said, swallowing back the tears that were begging to be released. She knew that trying to force an amnesiac to remember what they have forgotten only made things worse, so she tried her hardest to play it cool. It just irritated her that Kara couldn’t remember what Maxwell had done to her… He deserved to be punished… To _die_.  “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Supergirl.”

Kara smiled kindly. “That means a lot, Agent…?” She trailed off, her tone asking for a last name.

“Uh…” She wanted to scream, to cry, to **_kill Maxwell Lord_** , but at the moment she couldn’t do any of that. So, she took a deep breath, swallowed the lump and her throat, and thought. As she thought, all she could do was think back to all the times Kara had said that Alex looked ‘a lot like Lexie Grey,’ so she couldn’t help herself… “Grey. Alex Grey.”

Kara’s face lit up. “That’s funny! Have you ever watched Grey’s Anatomy?”

Alex bit back a smile, glad that Kara remembered the show, but heartbroken that she didn’t remember watching it with her. She shook her head no, hoping that Kara’s kind heart would offer to be her ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ partner… It didn’t go the way she’d thought it would.

“Oh, well darn,” Kara said with a slight chuckle as she began to stand up. “You look just like a doctor on that show; her name is Lexie Grey.”

Alex fought to keep her tight-lipped smile on her face. “Well, if I had someone to watch it with I probably would. I heard it wasn’t a safe show to watch alone.” She laughed forcefully.

Kara’s face morphed into one of sorrow. “Awe, I’m sorry. It must be pretty hard being here all by yourself. I remember that feeling.”

Alex nodded, and tried her hardest to bite back her tears, but couldn’t do it any longer; her sister, the woman she loved, the _light of her life_ , didn’t even know who she was, so the tears began to cascade down her cheeks. Sobs wracked her body, and an alarmed Supergirl stood stock still, eyes wide open. Totally unlike _her_ Kara.

“Oh, please don’t cry,” Kara said sadly as she walked over to her. “M-May I hug you?”

 _That_ was more like her Kara, but just… sadder, less sure of herself. She nodded, needing to be embraced by the one person she loved most.

Kara walked over, embraced her tightly, and cooed. “Shh. Agent Grey, you’re okay… I know what it’s like to be lonely… I don’t really have anyone besides my mom.”

Alex’s heart shattered more, and she let out a loud sob… Did Kara think her parents were still alive? “M-mom?” She questioned, chastising herself for stuttering it out like a fool.

Kara nodded against her shoulder. “It’s a long story.” She said as she pulled back, averting her eyes (Alex knew that, that meant they had reached an incredibly sore topic for Kara). “Anyway, I should really go check in with the director, if you ever need someone to show you around the city, I’m sure I could be persuaded to give you a tour,” Kara said with a tight smile, almost insincere.

Alex nodded, offered her a half smile and then shook her head. “I’m sorry, Supergirl, but I’m under strict orders to make sure that you stay under the sunlamps for at least another twelve hours… I will go get director Henshaw for you, okay?” She was lying… Straight through her teeth, and typically Kara would be able to see right through her, would be able to tell that Alex was using Hank as an excuse to be overprotective of Kara… but this Kara didn’t know anything about Alex, didn’t know that Alex would go through any amount of torture she had to in order to keep Kara safe. Didn’t know that Alex would set fire to the world and smile as she did it if it meant that no harm would ever touch Kara again… Didn’t know that Alex was her over protective foster sister who was head over heels in love with her… So she believed Alex’s lie.

“Okay. Thank you, Agent Grey.” Kara said graciously as she hopped back on the bed.

Alex’s heart was on fire as she exited the sunroom and walked toward her lab, ripping off her name plaque so as not to give Kara any reason to be confused about why there was an agent with Her last name…  if the mother Kara had referred to earlier was Eliza, by any chance. Confusion made everything worse for amnesiacs.

She entered the lab, closed the door as quietly as possible and slid down it, finally letting her tears run freely without trying to suppress them.

She thought she’d known what real heartbreak felt like when she’d seen Kara with other people, but she was wrong. _So fucking wrong_. Seeing Kara with other people had caused her heart to ache excruciatingly, but having Kara stare at her with no shine in her eyes, no love on her face, and pain in her mannerisms? That was absolutely fatal. It wasn’t only her heartache that ached this time, but her entire body. The entirety of her soul ached at the thought of never being able to talk to her sister again.

And what if she never did? What if Kara never regained her memory? What then? What did that mean for Alex?

The moment she saw Kara strung up and beaten bloody at the hands of Maxwell Lord, there’d instantly been a dread that overwhelmed her, and now? Now she just wanted to die… because she’d lost Kara, and she had no idea how to get her back.

She continued to cry as silently as she could manage, afraid that Kara’s super hearing might catch her and she and her three-sizes too big heart would come for her. Less than five minutes later, there was a knock on her door, and she feared that she hadn’t been quiet enough.

“Alex?” A hesitant voice called out.

She tried furiously to dry her tears before opening up the door and collapsing into J’onn’s strong arms. She didn’t say a word, already knowing that J’onn had read her thoughts. He knew.

“D-does she remember me yet?” She sobbed.

J’onn squeezed her tighter to his chest. “When I went in to see her, she knew me, and asked me where Eliza was, and if she was alright because it wasn’t like her not to be there when she woke up from a Supergirl mission gone bad.”

Alex had no idea what she was going to do if Kara remained amnesiac for the rest of her life. “What did he do to her?!?! What the hell was in that syringe?!”

J’onn sighed. “From what I could tell, it seems as if Maxwell created a synthetic version of Martian brain matter.”

“So, you’re able to fix this?” Alex asked hopefully.

He shook his head sadly. “Kryptonians aren’t susceptible to Martian brain control, which is most likely the reason Lord created his own variant. It seems to be mixed with other types of Alien DNA as well. We are looking for Maxwell as we speak, and as soon as we find him, I will do everything in my power to figure out a way to fix this. For now, though we are going to find out exactly what Kara believes is reality and make her believe that nothing is out of the ordinary. I already have a team at her apartment clearing everything out of it that insinuates that you two are sisters.” He finished speaking with an apologetic expression.

As soon as Alex realized that Kara’s amnesia wasn’t a fluke, and wasn’t going to be just a temporary phase… She broke. How the hell was she supposed to live a life where Kara looked at her like a very distant acquaintance?

**XXX**

The entire DEO was briefed about Kara’s situation. The most  _important_  memories that were distorted memories were very close to reality, but not quite.

James was never a friend to her.

She and Winn had dated but broke up, mutually deciding to just be friends.

Kara was civil with her cousin but resented Clark for abandoning her. 

Jeremiah had died of cancer, not in a plane wreck.

Non had killed Astra, not Alex.

Kara had become Supergirl when _Eliza’s_ plane went down, and she saved it… Not Alex’s.

But there were two significant changes:

Supergirl didn’t have a no-kill rule… And Alex didn’t exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! :)


	3. Chapter 3

It had been two days… Two days of not being able to eat, not being able to sleep without the aid of ZzzQuil, not being ready to go home without breaking down at every time she saw the pictures on the walls of her and Kara. Two days with Kara looking at her like a total stranger that she was mildly curious about before Kara had made an attempt to talk to her.

Alex was standing in her lab, now labeled ‘Laboratory of Deputy Director Alex Grey,’ trying her hardest to concoct an antidote and give Kara back her memories. She was staring into a microscope, studying a blood sample they’d manage to take from Kara when a familiar voice startled her. “You look very depressed.”

Alex jerked up at the suddenness of the voice, causing Kara to chuckle. “Sorry Agent Grey. Didn’t mean to give you a mini coronary.”

Alex forced a smile onto her face and begged her heart not to pound mercilessly. “No, no, it’s fine. Just wasn’t expecting anyone.”

Kara nodded her head. “You’ve lost someone.” She said, changing the topic completely. “Very recently.”

Alex had absolutely no idea how to respond to that; she hadn’t expected to ever be able to converse with Kara again unless she found a cure for Max’s Kryptonian Amnesia inducer. She thought about her response but had no idea what to say without coming off as pathetic. “I-,” She sighed and shook her head. “Yes.” She murmured.

“You blame yourself for their demise,” Kara said, monotonously.

Alex nodded her head again, refusing to let the tears pass. “Yes,” She husked out tremulously. But what she didn’t understand was. “How could you tell?”

Kara shrugged. “I know what you’re going through… The pain of losing your entire world? I wore that like a banner for the first five years I was on Earth.” She said. “Whoever this person was, they meant everything to you, because my entire planet died, and I wasn’t much worse off than you. I wish I could say that it gets easier, but if you loved them the way I loved my home, then I can tell you it just numbs… but if you’re ever in need of someone to talk to, I’m definitely willing to listen.”

Alex couldn’t help it, she broke…. She needed Kara more than she needed oxygen. “Sh-she was my foster sister.” She said. “We… We were inseparable, and we fell in love as kids,” She blurted out, unable to stop herself. “but then my mom caught us kissing in our backyard shed one day, and told us it was wrong, that we had no business doing that because we were ‘ _sisters_ ’… She broke it off with me after that.”

Kara’s faced formed in confusion, “Your mom sounds like she’s a fucking moron.” She said, and Alex almost wanted to laugh… “You two weren’t related. How old were you guys when your parents took her in?”

Alex’s heart clenched at the memory of a terrified little Kara Zor-El walking hand-in-hand with her cousin on a planet she knew nothing about. Forced to learn a language she had never heard before and thrown into the home of total strangers. Alone, and afraid…. That same girl she’d held at night for years while she cried herself to sleep over the world she’d known and loved but had been destroyed because people ignored the signs. Cried over the family she’d known and loved but had been taken from her because of the idiocy of others. The language that she was the last to speak. The culture that she had known and adored, but was torn way from her… Who was now the woman standing before her. “I was fourteen; she was thirteen.”

The Kryptonian nodded. “That’s sickening that your parents would break you two up in that way… IF you two in love, what right did they have to stop you?”

Alex smiled sadly. “They didn’t have one, but K-… But she was too scared to lose another family to say anything… It was either break up with me and be my sister or lose everything… It wasn’t fair to her.”

Kara shook her head and scoffed. “It sounds like it wasn’t fair to _either of you._ ”

“It wasn’t” Alex agreed. “But she moved on, and I didn’t. I understand how she could, but it doesn’t stop the pain… Now she’s just… gone.”

Kara frowned. “If you don’t mind my asking… what happened to her?”

Alex felt like she’d been punched in the gut, and got the wind knocked out of her. “I couldn’t protect her.”

Kara’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean? I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”

The agent smiled sadly as a tear slipped from her eye. “It was… Believe me, it was. I did something stupid, something I knew could backfire on me… I... I have enemies, bad ones… and they knew that y-.” She stopped herself, reminding herself that _this_ Kara didn’t know that she was Alex’s one and only weakness. “That _she_ was my weakness… and I pissed one of them off, on purpose. So, he took away the one thing that I’d have nothing without.”

Kara looked at her like she’d just told Kara her own story. “I’m so sorry, Agent Grey.” She said earnestly, and the formality all but tore through Alex like a cautery knife.

“Alex.” She said definitively. “Call me Alex.”

Kara smiled and offered the Agent her hand. “Okay, _Alex._ You can call me Kara.”

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to look honored (she _was_ honored that she was getting Kara’s attention, but she was in agony more than anything else…. Because they used to know each other better than they knew themselves, but now she was just a stranger to Kara.)

 “Alright, Kara it is.”

**XXX**

It was another seventy-two hours before she saw Kara again, but this time… Eliza was with her.

Alex had just finished conversing with Clark (she hated that man, but he was her best hope at finding Maxwell who she could hopefully torture into giving her a cure for Kara.) He was upset by all of this too, but not for the reason he should be… He was selfish. Angry that Kara wouldn’t return his calls because she ‘owed it to him’... She hated that man. He didn’t deserve to wear Kara’s crest, and it infuriated her the way he had abandoned her so effortlessly; as if she was some sort of _burden_. As soon as she hung up the phone angrily, she walked out of her laboratory and towards the cafeteria, but as soon as she hit the main lobby, she saw Kara standing there, talking to Eliza.

 

_Why the fuck didn’t she tell me she was coming?!_

“What do you mean?” Kara asked perplexedly. “The only agent named Alex that I’ve met recently is Alex Grey. I haven't seen or met an Alex Danvers, Mom. Why would there be an agent with _our_ last name?”

Alex could see the irritation and confusion on the hero’s face and immediately wanted to assuage it... Which is _precisely_ what she did.

She walked right over to the two people she loved most in this world. “Hi, Supergirl. I haven’t seen you in a bit.” She said with a façade of nonchalance.

Kara offered her a half-hearted smile. “Alex.” She said with a nod before gesturing. “This is my mother, Eliza Danvers.”

Alex’s stomach churned… She hated hearing Kara call Eliza, her mother… She never did before this mess, and knowing that had made Alex always hold out a fraction of hope that they could be together; because if Kara didn’t see Eliza as her mother, then Alex wasn’t technically her sister… Right?

Alex offered a friendly smile to her mom. “Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Danvers.”

Eliza looked at her daughter in bewilderment. “Nice to meet you too.” She said with narrowed eyes. Alex knew that she was going to get a lashing when they were in private, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care… confusing Kara more than she already was would only cause more pain for her, and she wasn’t about to let her mother do that to her.

“This is the agent I was telling you about. I don’t know an Agent Alex Danvers. I think you’re confused. Are you feeling alright?”

Eliza gritted her teeth together and nodded curtly. “Yes, dear… I was just hoping you’d be able to find her for me. I’m not quite sure why I thought her last name was Danvers.” She said with a forced chuckle. “I think I need a bit of a caffeine boost.”

Alex could tell that her sister was concerned for the older woman. “I’m sure it was just a silly mix up,” Alex said with a laugh. “What is it you wanted to see me about, Mrs. Danvers?” She asked, trying to switch the conversation to something that didn’t involve Alex’s _true_ identity.

“Oh! I… um… I heard that you were a bio-engineer as well… Avery good one for that matter, so I was hoping that I could share my research into finding a serum that could make Kryptonite harmless to Kryptonians with you?” The eldest Danvers floundered. “I would like to see if you could add any more input into it?”

Alex knew that wasn’t the genuine reason she was there, but she went with it anyway. “Oh, sure. Yes! It’d be an honor.” She said nervously, as she gestured for her mother to come with her, but Kara started to follow along.  Alex gave Eliza an imploring look, and the older woman rolled her eyes. “Kara darling, I know this is silly, but I would really like to get to know Agent… Grey. Would you mind giving us time together? I promise I’ll come by tonight.”

Kara frowned. “I-… okay?” She conceded in confusion.

“Mrs. Danvers, my lab is just down the hall. Follow me. I’ll see you around, Supergirl.” Alex said, not letting the awkwardness surround them longer than necessary.

Eliza did as she was asked, following Alex to her lab, and then immediately after the doors were closed, slapped Alex’s shoulder. “Are you out of your mind!?! You haven\t even  _tried_ to get her to remember you, yet? She _needs_ to know who you are! You were a _**momentous**_ part of her life and helped to mold her into the person that she was! How are you okay with just pretending she means nothing to you!?!”

“I’m **_not_**.” Alex asserted. “but I have no choice in the matter… and I’m used to being forced into downplaying my feelings for her.… You made sure of that.”

Eliza rolled her eyes. “Oh, please Alexandra! That wasn’t _right_! She was too young to understand what she was doing, and you were hormonal.”

Alex clenched her fist. “We were in love, mom. **She _loved_   me.**”

Eliza nodded. “She did, but she _also_ came from an entirely different planet, and wasn’t aware of what her feelings _meant_ … You were taking advantage of her.”

Alex’s heart couldn’t handle this… Not only had she lost her soulmate, and best friend, but now her mother was claiming that she had taken advantage of her. “I didn’t take advantage of her! I asked for permission before we did _anything_ and for you to insinuate otherwise is just plain disgusting! I loved her! _Love_ her, and I intend to get her memories back… You aren't the only one that misses her, mother! I miss her so much that I can barely breathe! It hurts to move, to _blink_ without her. There's a constant lump in my throat because I'm consistently having to fight back my tears. She looks at me like a stranger, mom. Do you not even understand how much this hurts me?! Every time I want to tell her that I love her, and to be safe out there, I  _can't_ because she'd look at me like I'm insane, and that'd ruin me. I'd fall apart if that happened, and I wouldn't be able to be repaired.”

Eliza sighed tearfully and hurriedly engulfed her daughter into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry, Alex... She’s just not the same person that I raised…” She said as her voice broke.

Alex’s heart ached; not for her mother, but for Kara… because Alex knew that the melancholy person walking around in the Supersuit _was_ Kara. Just the side of her that very _very_ few people ever got a glimpse of… The side of Kara that, pre-memory wipe, she had kept hidden from the public eye. “No,” Alex said with a shake of her head. “That’s her… Just… _sadder_.”

 

**XXX**

 

After Eliza left her lab, Alex went right back to studying Kara’s blood samples.

“How badly did my mother badger you?” Kara asked in amusement.

Once again, Alex jumps at the abrupt sound of her voice.

Kara laughed. “You know, for a secret government agent, you sure are jumpy.”

Alex smiled easily at that. This was her Kara… Just without memories of her. “Not too badly. Just a few questions. That's about all. No need to worry.”

Kara hummed. “You still look sad.”

Alex nodded. “Without her, I will always be sad.”

The left corner of Kara’s lips tilted down at Alex’s admittance, but she bobbed her head in understanding. “You’re lonely too.”

“Yes,” Alex said sadly, averting her eyes because she was unable to look into those azure orbs that held no recognition or admiration for her… Just _pity_.

“Well, I am both of those things too… Which is why if you ever want to binge watch Grey’s Anatomy with someone on a slow day, I’m available.”

Alex’s heart skipped a beat. She was getting an opportunity to spend time with Kara… an opportunity that she did _not_ deserve, but she was selfish and desperate.

So, she took it. “That’d be nice.” She said, her voice jagged in her throat.

Kara nodded and smiled. “Let me know when you’re free.” She said. “I’m gonna hit the training room with J’onn. I’ll see you around.”

 

**XXX**

The fight between Kara and the Cyborg alien twelve hours later hadn’t been _terrible_ , but Alex still was unnerved by it. She was terrified that something would go dreadfully wrong like it had last time, and she would lose Kara altogether… She’d come out on top, however, and Alex’s heartbeat relaxed a bit, but Kara did something the Agent wasn’t used to…

She’d killed him because he refused to surrender and endangered human lives. Alex wasn’t against it, he was a maniac and was trying to kill the love of her life, so of course, he deserved to die… but that wasn’t like the Kara she knew before, and although it was scary, she couldn’t find it in herself to be disappointed in Kara.

Not when she had every reason to go dark, but still chose to fight the evil beings that threatened Earth.

Not when she had been so irrationally terrified that Kara was going to die.

Not when she was on her way towards Kara in the main lobby to cash in on the binge-watching night she’d offered last night.

She stopped a few feet behind Kara, who was talking animatedly to Winn. “Supergirl?” She called out tentatively, causing everyone to turn their attention to her, all of them looking at her with a sad, knowing looks… All of them except Kara, who looked at her with a questioning eyebrow raised and a kind look in her eyes.

“Agent Grey! What can I do for you?” She asked curiously.

Alex smiled at the tenderness in Kara’s voice. “I was wondering if you’d be willing to cash in on that Grey’s Anatomy marathon you offered?”

Kara smiled benevolently. “Sure thing! I’ll just get changed and meet you in your lab?”

Alex nodded, relieved that Kara was going to be close to her tonight… She needed the reassurance that she was okay. That Supergirl hadn’t died out there fighting that cyborg prick, and that she still had a chance to get her back.

“I’ll be ready whenever you are.” She said before turning away and walking back to her lab.

For the first time in over a week, she genuinely felt hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was decent. I've been in a funk lately.
> 
> Let me know if you enjoyed! <3


	4. Chapter 4

When Kara met her in the lab, it was awkward to see her sister looking at her with no love. It hurt, and all she could do was smile and pretend like her heart wasn’t aching. She missed _her_ Kara more than anything in the world, and she would gladly give up everything she had just to get her back, but instead, they walked in awkward silence to the parking garage.

“Wouldn’t it be faster if you just flew me?” Alex asked.

Kara looked at her in mortification. “Agent Gr-“

“Alex, please call me Alex. We’ve been through this before,” Alex said with a tired smiled.

Kara nodded. “Right, Alex.” She said curtly. “Alex, I don’t think flying with someone unnecessarily would be all that safe. I’ve never done that before, but if I ever did, I would only do it out of necessity. My mother always told me that showing off would earn me the wrong kind of friends.”

Alex bit her cheek. “Do you ever ignore your mother’s wishes?”

Kara shrugged. “She’s the only family I have. Clark doesn’t want me; he abandoned me as soon as he could. So, why would I risk upsetting her?” She asked as she hopped onto Alex’s motorcycle. “Besides, she’s kind of right… If people are only friends with me because of what I can do and not who I am, then there’s really no point in sticking around them, y’know? My mom would be furious with me for flying without reason, and I don't want to risk losing the one person that genuinely loves me, over something so little.”

Alex fought the urge to call her mother and chew her out as she nodded her head. “Yeah, I get that.” She croaked as she put her helmet on and started the engine. _I definitely get that._ She thought sadly.

**XXX**

Sitting on her couch next to Kara was admittedly the hardest thing she had ever had to do. Not being able to snuggle her like they always had before just reminded her of the Kara she’d lost. Sure, this was the same woman, but she was much more alien than she’d ever been before. So, she'd been fighting to keep herself from touching Kara all night. 

“This is my favorite part!” Kara said half-heartedly as she concentrated on the screen.

Alex chuckled, as she watched Meredith Grey actively shot down Derek Shepherd once again. _Mine Too_. She thought.

She noticed that the gap between she and Kara was slowly growing smaller by the minute, and she wasn’t quite sure who was the culprit until she realized that she was on the same cushion as Kara now… Which was not the cushion she had sat down on at the beginning of the night.

Kara looked at her bemusedly. “Are you a cuddler Agent Grey?” She asked with a raised brow and a confused smirk.

Alex blushed, she knew that Kara was like a magnet to her, she just hadn’t realized how severely until that moment. It was impossible for her not to touch Kara, and she hated herself for how weak she was. Kara didn’t know her like this anymore. She didn’t know her like Alex knew Kara, and every time the agent reminded herself of that it sliced just a little bit more at her heart.

“S-sorry… When I watched Netflix with my sister, we always ended up cuddling. It’s just a habit.” She admitted melancholily as she moved to scoot away.

When she made to move to the other cushion, however, Kara’s strong arm wrapped around her and pulled her into her side. “No need to apologize, I just have never really had anyone snuggle me before.”

Alex’s heart broke. _Oh, Kara… You have. You **have**_. _I’m right here, sweetie. I’ve always been here! _“Why wouldn’t anyone want to cuddle you?” She asked as she fought the urge to cry.

Kara shrugged. “Winn always wanted to, but I don’t know. I could never really find someone I felt comfortable with enough to let me hold. Besides my mother of course.”

Alex’s heart lifted a fractionlet. “So, you feel comfortable enough around me? Out of everyone else?”

Kara nodded, not removing her eyes’ focus on the television screen.

“Why?” The brunette asked as hope reverberated through her voice.

The Kryptonian’s head turned, and her eyes bore into Alex’s. “I’m not sure, really.” She admitted. “I just feel this strange draw to you for some reason. I know that sounds stupid, but…” She trailed off and pursed her lips.

Alex couldn’t help the minute infinitesimal upward curve at the corners of her lips. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all.”

“Yeah?” Kara asked with her brilliant, yet nervous smile, something all so reminiscent of the woman she was before her memory was swiped.

Alex nodded. “Yeah,” She asserted. “Because I feel it too.”

Kara’s eyes lit up. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.” She said, almost sounding relieved.

“You aren’t, Kara. I promise.”

Kara smiled and nodded as she squeezed the brunette tighter. “Good.”

 

A few hours passed, and when Alex looked up at the woman she hoped would soon remember her, she found that the young hero was asleep. She smiled at the site, and paused the show, getting ready to stand, but just as she began to move, the arm around her tightened its grip, holding her in place.

She chuckled lightly at that, loving that Kara was still just as cuddly as she was prior to the ‘incident’. She stayed wrapped in the Kryptonian’s embrace and smiled furiously. “I love you, Kar’” She zealously whispered. “Please come back to me.”

**XXX**

The next morning, she awoke with a start and looked up to find that Kara was no longer on the couch. She frowned, worried that staying the night had caused Kara to flee and never turn back.

She stood up from the couch, as she ran her hands through her short bark-brown hair as dread crept over her like an icy chill, numbing her body, but before it could wholly consume her, she noticed a napkin with a note scribbled on it.

_Thanks for the companionship, it was very much appreciated. We should do it again sometime._

_~Kara_

Alex smiled, her anxiety that had just built itself up inside her melted into nothing. Kara had enjoyed their time together and wanted to spend more time with her.

Kara… Without remembering everything that Alex had done for her, without remembering their past, without remembering that they were sisters, **_still wanted to spend time with her._**

It made no sense, it felt unreal, but Alex’s chest was filled with so much hope, so much happiness, so much love, that she didn’t quite care.

Kara liked being in Alex’s presence, not for their past, not for their familial roles, but for _Alex_ herself, and that was something Alex would never _ever_ stop smiling about.

She walked to her closet, with a spring in her step and a hum in her throat. She picked out an outfit and started running her shower when she heard her phone ring. Still humming, Alex walked over to her phone and answered it.

“Danvers!” She answered before wincing. “I-I mean...”

“You’re lucky it’s me and not Kara, Alex,” J’onn said sternly.

With a sigh, Alex responded. “I’m sorry J’onn but going almost thirty years as Alex Danvers is kind of hard to reverse.”

“Mmm.” He hummed in agreement momentarily before speaking. “We found him, Alex. We’ve got him.”

Alex’s body froze. She didn’t want to believe what she thought she was hearing; too scared that she wasn’t understanding correctly. “H-him? Who’s him?”

“Lord. We’ve found him, Alex. We’ve found him.”

Alex’s mind flooded with possibilities. Filled with hope that this would be it, she could interrogate him, and make him spill every single detail she’d need to get _her Kara_ back. The one that wasn’t always in such internal agony. The one that opened up about _everything_ to her. The one that loved her, and trusted her, and remembered their childhood, their romance, their bond. The Kara Zor-El Danvers that knew Alex better than Alex knew herself… _Alex’s_ Kara.

“Where is he?”

 

**XXX**

Alex walked into the abandoned DEO headquarters from the 1970’s with confidence in every stride. It was about forty-five percent smaller than the DEO she was accustomed to, but it had almost the exact same design, which made it a breeze for Alex to navigate through.

When she reached the basement, she punched in the PIN into the numerical keypad and waited for the door to unlock. Once she was in, she walked over to a table in front of the chair that had Maxwell Lord tied to it, and smirked. “I took everything from you?” She asked angrily, trying her hardest to fight the urge to punch the man as she set her briefcases on the table and sat down in the chair opposite him. “You still had most of your money; you still had a home to go to that night. You still had somewhat of a reputation, and still had your brains. All I did was take away your toys.” She said wrathfully. “ _You_ took everything from _me,_ and you’re going to tell me how to get her back.” She ferociously averred.

Maxwell, who was chained at the ankles to the chair he resided, and hands handcuffed to the table before him; chuckled. “What makes you so sure about that?” He asked narcissistically. “I suspect that you assume I am going to give you the information you are so desperate to get, in exchange for… what? My freedom? You can have it. I don’t need it anymore.” He said with a shrug. “I mean… by now it should be pretty damn obvious that Supergirl doesn’t need you, yet for some reason you still want her to remember you. Now, why is that?”

Alex bared her teeth, trying her hardest to refrain from opening her briefcase and showing her hand too soon. “Maxwell, you are going to want to cooperate with me because without your cooperation, your life… you know, the one that you are pretending that I destroyed? I will _genuinely_ destroy it. I will hurt you in ways that you never thought possible.”

The man smiled fiendishly. “There’s nothing you can legally do that will get me to talk.”

That caused Alex to smirk as her hatred and wrath took over her. She unlocked her briefcases and smirked. “You’re right, Max.” She chirped in a façade of friendliness as she showed the man her torture tools. “Legally, I can’t do anything but interrogate you.” She admitted. “But since my agency doesn’t even exist, well… I can do whatever the fuck I want to you.”

Max’s face paled, as his eyes widened. “Y-you can’t do this. I have rights!”

Alex morphed her face into one of indifference as she shrugged her shoulders. “You made the love of my life forget about my existence, so really, I don’t give a damn about your rights.”

After her declaration, Alex hovered her hands above a few of the objects in her smaller briefcase. Over a screwdriver, a high-voltage stun gun, a cautery knife, and finally settled over a handheld blow torch.

Normally she’d be against torturing right off the bat… But when it came to people who fucked with Kara? She just didn’t care. This man was the scum of the earth, who had not only tried to kill Krypton’s gift to humanity but had ended up falsifying her memories as a sick joke… So, did Alex really care if she had to get her hands a little bloody in order to get Kara’s memories back?

The answer was no. She’d gladly chop off each and every one of this man’s fingers if it meant Kara would remember her again. She hummed gleefully as she assembled the flame gun and walked around the table. “Are you sure you aren’t willing to tell me how to get my sister back?” She asked with a raised brow.

Maxwell was visibly trembling as Alex grabbed his shoed foot. “You don’t have the guts to do this. Not even for her.” He ground out.

Alex laughed. She’d let the whole damn world burn for Kara. Winn, the DEO, hell, even her mother if she was honest. There was not a damn thing that Alex wouldn’t do for that Kryptonian goddess, and everyone but Kara knew that right now. “Well... you’re _wrong_ , but… You’ll realize that in a moment.”

She took off his shoe and saw the fancy sock that covered the man’s foot. She contemplated for a moment and then decided that she’d just burn it along with his foot. She put it up to his foot and placed her fingers on the ignitor buttons. “You have one more chance, Lord. Speak now, or forever lose your foot.”

He was breathing erratically now, and Alex adored it. _He deserves so much worse than this_. She thought to herself as she regarded with expectant eyes.

“You’re just trying to scare me; you won’t actually do i- AHHH!” He screamed as she ignited the torch and burned his sock-clad foot. “YOU CRAZY BITCH!!!” He yelled once the infuriated woman let go of the ignitor.

“You think this is crazy?” She chuckled humorlessly. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, my schedule has been hectic! I should be able to update more regularly now though. I hope you enjoy:)

Maxwell Lord had three screwdrivers in his leg, a broken nose, a busted lip, a crisped foot, and two black eyes before Alex finally snapped out of her rage.

She’d gotten the man to break as soon as she burned his foot, but his answer had set her into an anger she hadn’t felt since Mon-El had told Kara that she wasn’t a hero, and then ended up sleeping with her a few weeks later.

She looked at the bloodied man, who was the exact opposite of coherent by that point and dialed her phone. “J’onn…” Alex whimpered immediately after the line clicked through.

Within moments, the man was at the door, his eyes full of concern and fear. “Alex? What’s wrong?” He asked as he hastily engulfed the Agent into a hug.

Her tears couldn’t stop falling as she pointed to the man she’d tortured relentlessly. “H-he took her away from me.” She sobbed into J’onn shoulder. “It-it’s irreversible.”

J’onn tightened his hold on his surrogate daughter. “I don’t believe that.” He said sternly. “There must be some way to fix this all.”

Alex covered her face with her hand as her sobs threatened to get louder. “He said it was. I-I got him to talk, but I don’t know how to reverse what he did, J’onn.

The man frowned. “What did he do?” Ignoring the fact that Alex had tortured the man far worse than he’d ever thought she was capable of… He chastised himself for not seeing this coming, Kara was Alex’s weak spot, but also her strength… of course she’d do whatever it took to get necessary results.

Alex averted her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. “That thing he wore on his head? IT was a device that allowed him to see all of her memories and manipulate them. The serum he injected into her was what helped the device access her memories, and the device is what played the memories in his mind and told the serum which memories to erase or alter… He knows everything about her, J’onn… _everything_.” She cried. “He _saw_ everything.”

The Martian didn’t even want to begin to know what Maxwell had seen, but he wasn’t going to let that man get away with any memories that he had stolen from Kara. He walked over to the wounded man, grabbed his head, and glared at him. “Don’t worry, Mr. Lord. This is one thing that won’t cause you pain.” And with that, he sorted through his brain, erasing any memory related to Supergirl (and not watching them) that he had acquired within the last five months… making sure that all memories of being beaten by Supergirl and getting tortured by Alex stayed fully intact. All memories that were gained by the device were completely destroyed, but he still knew everything he had done.

The villain, who was much too weak to hold his head up by himself, tried fruitlessly to stop him, but to no avail… Within moments all of his insider information on Supergirl was depleted to absolutely zero. “Bastard!” He seethed.

Alex smirked at that, glad that J’onn was on her side.

“He still remembers what he did, but all memories that could be potentially harmful to Supergirl or the DEO have been extricated.” He informed before he unchained the man and picked him up. “I will take him to a containment cell. HE will not be escaping this time; no matter how much Mr. Olsen complains.”

Alex nodded curtly, but told the Director one last terrifying detail. “That head thing he used… he destroyed it.” She said as she swallowed at the lump in her throat. “The blueprint was destroyed in the fire, and the serum is useless without it.” She shook her head. Feeling that any hope of reinstating her sister’s memories of her was slowly slipping away. “She can’t get her memories back without it, and he doesn’t remember how to rebuild it.”

J’onn shook his head. “Kara _is_ hope, Alex.” He emphasized. Whenever something involves Kara, there is an endless amount of hope. Always remember that.”

Alex shook her head defeatedly. “You’re wrong this time, J’onn... I have no hope of getting her back now.”

**XXX**

Alex walked into the DEO building, eyes red-rimmed, head lowered, shoulders slumped… She knew she looked pathetic, but she couldn’t help it… She felt like an utter failure.

She wasn’t watching where she was walking, too focused on her feet, when she bumped into a rock-solid body. “ _Oof_!” She heard.

“Sorry,” Alex murmured, not looking up, too depressed to care who it was that she ran into.

“Agent Grey, you should really watch where you’re going.” A familiar voice teased.

She smiled despite the false name… Kara’s voice would always set her ablaze with passion and love. She looked up into those ocean blue eyes, and hoped to any deity that might be real, that her eyes didn’t look as bad as they felt. “I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

Kara shrugged it off with a concerned look on her face. “No worries.” She said gently. “Are you alright?”

Alex couldn’t handle the compassion Kara was showing her. It was genuine, but it wasn’t even near the amount of love she was used to receiving from her sister, and it was slowly killing her. “I’m fine.” She proclaimed while she tried her hardest to steer clear of the Kryptonian; making her way back to her own office.

When she reached her office, she slammed the door behind her and slid down the wall beside it as her tears drenched her cheeks.

_I’m never going to get her back._

That thought brought out a loud, wail of agony. As soon as the sound passed through her lips, she regretted it; knowing that no matter how little Kara knew her right then, Kara could never let one of her ‘friends’ suffer alone.

Within moments, there was a knock at her door. “Alex?” A tentative voice called out; which caused Alex’s pain to intensify all the more… _Her_ Kara never hesitated to be at Alex’s side when she needed comfort. _Her_ Kara always wanted her company. _Her_ Kara gave her an abundant number of hugs. Always beamed. Always laughed. Always was happy…

Alex’s Kara cherished her, but this Kara did not. She cared for Alex, but no more than any other person at the DEO, or in the world for that matter… They had hung out _once_ but never talked much about Kara. Never said ‘I love you’ to each other.

This Kara didn’t love Alex in any way.

Alex was no one special to this Kara… She was wholly convinced by that point that Kara only felt ‘drawn’ to her because she was curious about Alex, nothing more. Alex had seen Kara’s dark side boundless times. She had seen Kara’s walls built up against the world, but those walls were **never** against Alex too. She was always the one to help Kara break them down. But now those walls kept _everyone_ away from the Kryptonian, and that _killed_ the Agent.

“I’m fine.” She tremulously called out.

“You’re crying. People that are crying aren’t fine.”

Alex sighed. “Please, Supergirl. Just leave me alone.”

“Why?”

Alex scrunched her eyebrows together when Kara bluntly asked the question. “Because I want to be alone right now.” She lied.

“No you don’t,” Kara responded from behind the door. “That’s the exact opposite of what you want.”

And without any more hesitation, the door opened, and Kara sat down beside her.

Alex wanted to scream. The close proximity to her amnesiac sister was only causing her more pain. “Please.” She whispered, but it was fruitless, Kara Zor-El was not one to ignore those in need of help.

“Is this about Maxwell Lord?” The Kryptonian asked cautiously. “Because I know that you guys were trying to hide it from me for some reason, but I do have super hearing.”

Alex’s gut twisted. She knew how Kara felt about being inhumane to people, regardless of what they’d done; so this was where she knew Kara was going to tell her that she was disgusted with Alex and that she was going to free the mad man despite her and J’onn’s wishes.

“I’m sorry.” She croaked out. “I-,”

“Don’t apologize to me, Grey.” Kara shrugged off lightly. “I’m not sure what he did, or what he caused, but I know damn well that if J’onn was behind you with this, then Maxwell deserved it.”

Alex’s heart broke a little; she hated seeing Kara’s dark side so openly displayed. “You mean you aren’t against what I did?”

Kara shrugged. “If I found the one person solely responsible for Krypton’s death I would probably have done the same thing… or worse.” Kara admitted. “Which leads me to think that since your foster sister was _your_ world, he had something to do with you losing her?”

Alex’s tears cascaded down her cheeks like waterfalls as she nodded her head. “He’s the one that took her from me.”

Kara frowned and wrapped her arm around the brunette’s shoulders. “Why?” She asked.

Alex paused, she didn’t know how to answer that without drawing suspicion to herself, so she tried to be as vague as humanly possible. “I outsmarted him, and caused him to lose almost everything, so he thought that taking yo- _er_ … Taking _my foste_ r sister away would be his greatest revenge.”

Kara squeezed the agent tightly. “I’m so sorry, Alex. Is that why you came to National City? To find him and get revenge?”

Alex smiled sadly and shook her head. “No,” She said. “But it didn’t hurt.”

Silence came over them, and although it was a comfortable silence, she hated it. There had never been silence between them unless they were watching a movie or sleeping… It just added to the pain of realization that this _wasn’t_ her sister anymore.

“So, you don’t have a problem with torturing people?” She asked.

Kara shrugged. “Not my go-to that’s for sure.” She chuckled.

Alex smiled, glad to know that Kara wasn’t _that_ dark without all of her memories. “Superman has a no-kill rule, why don’t you have one?” She asked.

Immediately, Kara’s arm retracted, and she stood up with a blank expression on her face. “I should get back to work.” She proclaimed monotonously.

Alex frowned, not sure what she’d done to cause that sort of reaction from the younger woman. “Kara? I- What’d I say?”

Kara averted her eyes and pursed her lips. “I am not the female version of my cousin.” She deadpanned as she turned towards the door.

And that’s when it hit her. All the bad press when Kara had first come out when she had still been learning how to be a superhero, when Cat Grant hadn’t been so kind to her, when everyone was comparing her failures to Superman’s success.

Alex had helped her through that, but without Alex, had Kara ever actually overcome that insecurity?

“Kara!” She called out as the hero opened the door to leave; causing her to pause. “I didn’t mean it like that.” She offered. “To be honest, I’ve never been a fan of Superman’s… he’s way too snobby for my taste.”

Kara turned around, a smile perching her face. “Yeah?”

Alex nodded eagerly, desperate for Kara not to walk away angry. “Absolutely. Plus, I mean, come on, everyone knows that you kicked his ass last year.”

Kara laughed. “I did, actually.” She shook her head. “Kal-El isn’t my favorite person, but he is my blood, so I still care for him. We are the last of our kind.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, I get that.” She murmured, feeling awkward and not at all knowing what to say. “So, um.. would you, maybe, um… want to possibly hang out again sometime?” She stuttered.

Kara’s eyes went wide. “Oh! Uh…”

Alex realized what that sounded like and immediately rushed to correct herself. “AS FRIENDS!” She yelled, before quieting down. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t, um… I’m just terrible at having friends, and I’m an awkward person, but if you’d like... I mean, _I’d_ really like it if you and I could be fri-,”

“Yes.”

Alex paused. “Yes?”

Kara laughed. “Yes, Alex. I’d like to get to know you better. You’re a fascinating character.” She said with a wink.

Alex couldn’t help the blush that crept up her cheeks. Kara had always had an extraordinary ability to turn her into a blubbering, blushing, lovesick mess; even without the added advantage of flirtation, but now. Jesus Christ was she ever good at flustering Alex.

“Okay, that’s… that’s good.” She determined as she nodded curtly.

“Here, give me your phone.” Kara reached out her hand.

Alex furrowed her brow. “What? Why?” She asked cautiously.

Kara chuckled. “So I can put my number in it?”

Alex’s heart began pounding rapidly. She already had Kara’s number in her phone, and if Kara saw that, well, then…that would most likely ruin everything. “I, uh... I broke it during the um… _interrogation_.” She lied, emphasizing the last word, hoping that Kara would get what she was meaning.

“Oh, well, alright. I will give you my number and you can text me when you get a new phone.”

Alex nodded as she watched Kara write down her number on a piece of scrap paper on Alex’s desk. She handed it to the agent and smiled. “There you go.” She said turning to leave.

“Thanks.” Alex croaked out.

**XXX**

They’d been texting sporadically for about four days when a particularly difficult fight had broken out. Supergirl came out on top, as always, but not without extreme difficulty.

Alex walked past the sunroom, wanting desperately to be at Kara’s side. The agent knew that Supergirl wasn’t hurt, that she just needed a bit of an energy boost before going home, but it still wasn’t easy to ignore the woman that she loved when she wasn’t at her best.

As she passed the sun room and rounded the corner, her phone went off.

She checked the screen and smiled when she saw a text.

 **Kara:** _Not even going to stop in and say hi? Jerk face :(_

She let out a soft chuckle before turning around and heading straight to Kara’s side.

When the doors opened, Kara sat up. “Finally!” She said with a wink.

Alex felt her blush creep up her neck and cheeks once more. “Sorry, it’s been a hell of a day, and I figured I would let you rest.”

Kara shook her head and made a dismissive face before she smiled. “I should be fine in about ten more minutes. Wanna grab drinks with me afterward? I could really use a few after a day like today.”

Alex almost jumped at the opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with the hero but remembered the promise she made to _her_ Kara. “I- uh… I would love to, but I made a promise to my foster sister not to drink again, and I intend to keep it.”

Kara made a pouty face but nodded in resignation. “I understand. How about milkshakes?”

Releasing a breath of relief, Alex nodded with a smile. “Milkshakes it is.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to look up for our favorite agent... but will it last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about all the confusion. I hope that this makes up for it!

They were sat at their booth in the nearest Steak ‘N Shake a few hours later. Alex was highly intrigued by that fact… The last time they’d been at a Steak ‘N Shake together was when they were fifteen, but Alex had said that she didn’t like their burgers, and Kara had adamantly agreed.

However, from the way Kara was scarfing down her fifth steak burger; Alex could tell that she had been lying for Alex’s benefit. She felt her heart melt at that idea; Kara pretending not to like _food_ for her? That was huge, and it made her feel a rush of love flow through her. She really did miss their bond.

“You’re being awfully quiet over there.” Kara mused as she sipped on her third milkshake.

Alex laughed. “Sorry. I just hate these fries. They’re so thin.”

Kara feigned offense. “That just means you can eat more of them before you get full!” She winked, and Alex swooned… The effect Kara had on her was there whether the Kryptonian remembered who she was or not.

“You would think that way.” She chuckled, before feeling a slight bit of panic; they didn’t ‘know’ each other enough for Alex to have made such a comment.

Kara looked at her bemusedly. “What do you mean by that?” She asked with a confused chuckle.

Alex shrugged. “I just- um… I don’t know.” She shook her head, irritated at her ineptitude to come up with a competent excuse.

Kara put her sandwich down on her plate and tilted her head in that adorable way she always did when she was concerned about Alex. “Your heart rate is spiked.” She started slowly. “You’re scared.” She sat back in her booth. “Do I make you nervous, Alex?”

Alex froze because… Yes. Yes, she did; and the agent had no idea how to explain that to her sister that currently only saw her as a fairly-new acquaintance that she’d been in love with her for years, but now that her memory is swiped away she can’t seem to say anything right. “I-…” She groaned. “Yes.” She admitted as she shoved some of her room temperature fries into her mouth.

Kara frowned, and all Alex wanted to do was lean over the table and kiss it away, but she couldn’t. Not then, and not ever… Especially if Kara someday got her memories back. “Why?”

It was simple, monotonous, and sad; all things that signified that Kara was putting up her walls.

Alex knew she had to fix this before Kara retreated so far into herself that she could no longer pull her back out. “Um… You’re the first friend that I… uh… That I’ve made since I er… Moved here, so I don’t want to screw this up?” It sounded like a very conspicuous lie, but as Kara’s walls visibly fell away, Alex relaxed… Thankful that Kara was still very oblivious.

“Well, let’s get to know each other better.” The Kryptonian offered. “That way you don’t have to be so nervous around me.” She smiled conspiratorially. “Ask me anything!”

Alex nodded, a tight smile on her face. _What the hell do I ask someone who I know everything about?_ She let out a deep breath. “Um… Okay.” She paused, looking at Kara who was staring back at her expectantly. “Um… H-How old are you?”

_What the fuck, Alex? Out of all the-_

Kara chuckled. “Well, let’s see here…” She said as she looked pensively. “I left Krypton when I was thirteen, spent twenty-four years in the Phantom Zone, and have been on Earth for fifteen years. So, I guess technically I’m fifty-two, but I’ve only been conscious for twenty-eight years of my life.”

Alex had never put that much thought into Kara’s biological age because it didn’t count; Kara was still just a twenty-eight-year-old where it mattered. “Wow.” She exclaimed, not knowing what else she could add to that revelation.

Kara nodded. “You?”

Alex shrugged. “Twenty-nine.”

“No Phantom Zone for you?” Kara teased lightly.

The guffaw that came out of Alex was embarrassingly loud, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Kara was adorable, and right at that moment, all she wanted to do was jump over that table and pepper her face with kisses. “No, no Phantom Zone for me.”

 

**XXX**

That night, while Alex brushed her teeth and changed into pajamas all she could think about was how absolutely in love with Kara she still was. Even though she wasn’t behaving the same as she usually would, she was still the same person. Still held the same values.

She laid in bed and thought about all of the what-ifs.

What if Kara never remembered?  
What if she _did_ remember, but also remembered Alex’s confession of love?  
What if she never wanted to talk to her again?  
What if Kara remembered and _wanted_ Alex?

She smiled at the thought and soon after fell into a blissful slumber.

**XXX**

 

A few hours later there was a pounding at the door. Alex shot up, grabbed her gun off of her end table and looked at her alarm clock. “Who the hell would be here at three-thirty in the morning?” She grumbled.

As soon as she made it into her living room; the front door swung open to show a familiar silhouette. “Kara?” She croaked out in confusion.

Kara ran over to her and gently placed her palms on each of Alex’s cheeks. “ _Alex_.” She said reverently.

The agent’s heart sped up. The tone Kara used to say her name was one of adoration, admiration, and _love_. “Kara?” She asked once again, her voice pleading with the Kryptonian to confirm Alex’s suspicions.

Kara’s bottom lip trembled as she smiled and nodded her head. “I remember, Alex. Oh, god… how could I ever forget?”

Alex gulped. “Who am I?” She whispered. Begging her to say it.

Kara smiled as she used her thumbs to caress the corners of Alex’s mouth. “You are Agent Alexandra _Danvers_. My foster sister…” She paused for a moment. “And the love of my life.” She crooned, before leaning in and connecting their lips.

Euphoria took over Alex’s every cell as she fervently kissed back the woman that had owned her heart since she was fourteen. She wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck and continued kissing Kara until she felt her back collide with the soft mattress of her bed.

Kara pulled back and looked down at her. “We haven’t done this in a while.” She said with a wink.

Alex’s heart was pounding, her lungs were fighting against her, and all she wanted at that particular moment is to meld her bare body with Kara’s own.

“Kara, _please_ ,” She pleaded. “I need you, baby. I’ve missed you so much.”

Kara beamed down at her. “I’ve missed you too. I love you so much.”

Everything felt like a dream to her. Kara remembered her; Kara was there with her. Kara loved her… Kara _wanted_ her. She was just about to pinch herself to make sure that she _wasn’t_ dreaming when the worst thing that could possibly happen to her happened.

Her alarm went off, and she woke up.

**XXX**

She was in the worst mood of her life.

She’d thought that she had gotten Kara back, had thought that Kara was going to be hers _finally_ after _**years**_ of longing… But she had it all torn away from her all over again.

Alex's heart felt like it had repeatedly been drug over a cheese grater, dipped in vinegar, then laid to dry in a bowl of salt... 

To say the absolute least; she was miserable.

Now she was sitting in the DEO cafeteria being forced to watch as some new guy made googly eyes at Kara.

“He’s really obnoxious. I’m just glad that I was never that bad.” A voice said from behind her.

She turned around to see Winn with his food tray and rolled her eyes. “You were just as bad, if not _worse_ than that.” She asserted. “Problem was that I couldn’t be mad at you because you had good intentions. This man does not.”

Winn shrugged as he kept walking but turned his head over his shoulder and said. “He and I might be bad… You’re even worse though.”

Alex glared at him, and the poor guy practically flew to the other side of the room causing the agent to let out a yelp of delight.

Kara turned her head towards her ‘ex-boyfriend’ and then turned to face Alex with a confused expression. Alex made an ‘oops’ expression and shrugged her shoulders, and they both smiled at each other before Kara grabbed her food and turned to walk towards her.

Alex took a deep breath, preparing herself to act normal. “Hey!” Kara said with a broad smile as she sat down next to Alex.

“Hey, Kar’ what’s up?” Alex asked, testing the waters with the nickname.

“I had a dream last night.” Supergirl offered as she took a bite of her sandwich. “A really realistic one, if I'm being honest.”

 _You’re not the only one._ Alex thought. “What about?”

The Kryptonian swallowed her food and then spoke. “I was in my bedroom, at my Mom’s house, but it wasn’t a double bed in the center of the room like it used to be. Instead, the room was basically split down the middle with one bed on each side, and someone was sleeping in the other bed. It was super bizarre, but it felt… It felt like I loved whoever was on the other bed… Like… Like I’d die for that other person. But I don’t even know who the hell it was. All I know is that I couldn't move over to that bed, no matter how hard I tried, it was like I was trapped ”

Alex’s breath hitched; knowing that Kara remembered their old bedroom set up. Knowing that Kara remembered that she _loved_ Alex… Whatever love it may be… It finally gave her a hope that she'd thought was lost. It may just be a dream... But Kara starting to remember  _anything_? That was a _**massive** _ step in the right direction… A step that she needed to know more about; and the only way she could figure out any information would be to talk to the man who made this all happen…

Maxwell Lord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Max give Alex the answers she needs?


	7. Chapter 7

Alex stepped into the DEO cell block that held the man she despised more than anything. The man that stole her sister from her; the man who laughed in her face and smiled at the pain he caused her, who tried to _KILL_ Kara.

She opened the corridor doors and walked into the room that held the clear cage of bullet-proof glass that contained the worst human alive.

“Agent Danvers!” The man said, clearly attempting to hide his fear, but failing to do so.

Alex smirked. _This may be easier than I initially thought._ She got right down to business. “Kara’s having dreams… Cryptic ones, but they mean something. It’s like she is possibly beginning to remember.”

Maxwell Lord chuckled sadistically. “Is that so?”

“It is, and I need to know what they mean. So speak.” Alex demanded.

“No.” He said before pointing to his bandaged foot. “The only way I’d ever do that is if you gave me my freedom.”

Alex quirked her brow. “Or if I made your feet match.” She smirked before pulling out her hand-held torch from behind her back.

The man’s eyes widened as he visibly gulped. “She’s not remembering _you_. She’s remembering that something is missing from her life… Something _significant_. She could remember you eventually, but not everything about you. Perhaps small details, like the fact that she is supposed to have a sister She won’t remember that her sister is _you_. She might put that together on her own, but her memories of you will still be gone. Her dreams may continue, but she won’t see your face. I wiped you from her memory, but some of the events you were included in may still be there, just not with you in them. The only way to figure out how to get her memories back is by building a brand-new device to reverse the serum, but as I said… She needs the device first, and I don’t have the capability to build it without my blue print… not that I would do it, to begin with.”

Alex glared at the man because she knew even if she tortured him until he was permanently disfigured, she’d never be able to prove that the device would work until she put it on, Kara or Clark to test it out... Which meant that he could easily build it to do whatever he wanted to, and kill one of them without Alex being able to stop him…

 Unless…

“I have a Martian with the ability to read minds. Do you really think that I can’t use him on you if I absolutely had to?”

Maxwell quirked a brow. “Then why didn’t you just use him on me, to begin with?”

Alex laughed. “Because he wouldn’t have approved of what I had planned to do to you.”

Max rolled his eyes. “Well, you can’t torture her into remembering, and if you try, the only thing you will accomplish is making the serum eat away more and more memories. The more her brain tries to remember, the more the serum eats away. Soon she’d be like an Alzheimer’s patient, and that would be irreversible. As I said, she won’t ever remember you and all of your memories together, on her own.”

Alex’s heart ached, and she ran out of the cell room; refusing to let Maxwell Lord know that he had successfully made her cry.

**XXX**

She was furious, her talk with Maxwell hadn’t given her the results she’d hoped for, but she did have one thing that she hadn’t thought of until then…

If she could figure out what was in the serum, and find a way to reverse its effects, she may be able to reverse its effects on her own. But she’d need help, and the only one that she could even think of asking was currently unaware that her brain had been tampered with.

She sighed and shook her head. She had to call in the second-to-last person she wanted to… Clark.

To Alex, Clark was a selfish coward. Sure, he saved the world a few times, but he hadn’t gone through even half the hell that Kara had, yet he acted like he had it way worse than she did.

He grew up on Earth. He had a whole family that loved him on Earth. He was a successful reporter and had a flourishing career and relationship by the time Kara showed up on Earth, and instead of taking her in and teaching her how to cope with her powers, Clark decided to drop her off at the Danvers’ and send her postcards once in a while.

Kara had been thirteen, had no idea how to speak English, had no home, no career, and no family when she left Krypton and still had been prepared to raise Clark _by herself_.

In her mind, there was no questioning who the real hero was, but she was desperate and needed Clark’s Kryptonian brain. So, she dialed his number.

“Hello?” Clark answered worriedly.

“Clark, it’s Alex. I need your help.”

Clark sighed. “She won’t talk to me, Alex. I don’t know why, but forgetting you made her forget that she and I are actually close.”

Alex scoffed. “The only reason you two were _close_ was that you thought you could mold her into a female version of you.”

“That’s not true, and you know that!”

Alex raised her brow. “Oh, yeah? Then why is it that you never went to a _single_ one of her birthday parties when she was growing up? Never even sent her a damn card? Never tried to teach her how to live with her powers? The only reason you two became close was when she came out as Supergirl, so I honestly don’t blame her for hating your guts… But That’s not why I called. I called because I need to use your brain.”

There was a pause.

“My brain?” The last son of Krypton asked.

Alex smirked. “When I figure out how to reverse the effects of the serum Lord used on Kara, I need to test it on a Kryptonian brain, and since Kara is already affected, I’d like to use your brain.”

There was another long pause, and for a moment, Alex began to think that Clark’s selfishness was going to shine through again, but she was pleasantly surprised when he responded.

“Fine. But don’t test it on any important memories… maybe just like… My birthday?”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Sure, Clark. Whatever you say.”

When they said their goodbyes and hung up the call, Alex felt that spark of hope rise within her once more. The odds may be against her on finding a reversal for Kara’s amnesia, but Alex would never stop trying, and she intended to live just as long as Kara, so there would be no way in hell that some day she wouldn’t get Kara back.

 

**XXX**

Alex was researching Kryptonian brain functions when her phone went off. She had intended to decline the call, but when it was her mother’s name that popped up on the screen, she decided to accept.  
“Hey, Mom.” She answered.

“Alex! Oh, good. You actually decided to talk to your mother for a change.” Eliza responded.

“I don’t answer every time you call because I’m _busy_ trying to work, Mother.” She snarked back.

“I didn’t call you to argue, Alexandra, I called because we have a problem.”

The agent frowned. “What problem?”

“Thanksgiving is in two weeks, Alex… Kara informed me that she would like to come home for the week. Not only is that unlike her, but it’s not a good idea because it isn’t going to look the way she remembers it now!”

Alex frowned, hating that she’d be spending Thanksgiving without Kara and her mom, but she had accepted that it would happen; she wasn’t Kara’s family anymore, and even if she were, Eliza would still choose Kara over her any day. “Um… pack up all of my stuff and put it in the basement.” She said, feeling her heart crack at her memories being cast aside like garbage. “Take the old double mattress I used to sleep on before Kara came to live with us and put it on Kara’s side of the room. Use her old yellow bed set and then hang up her paintings all over my side of the room. It shouldn’t be too different from her memories… and if it is, then just say you got bored one day and decided to move things around.”

“Are you sure, Darling? You love coming home to your old room.” Eliza mused.

“Yeah, mom… I do, but I love Kara more.” She said, feeling the knife in her heart twist inside… Max had succeeded in taking away more than he’d intended, and it pissed Alex off… She was going to kill that man as soon as Kara was back.

 

**XXX**

Alex was in her lab a week later, studying a sample of the memory altering serum, when a box of Chinese take-out was placed in front of her.

She furrowed her brow, not expecting the gesture and looked up to find the object of her desires smiling at her. “Are all Kryptonians as amazing as you, or just the cute blonde ones?” Alex asked with a smile, then mentally kicked herself when she realized that she had just flirted with her amnesiac foster-sister.

Kara smirked. “Well, my cousin sure as hell isn’t this generous, I can tell you that much.” She chuckled.

Alex smiled at that, and then picked up the offered take-out box. When she opened it, she found her favorite dish… Sweet Rice Balls, and smiled before taking a bite. “Well, your cousin is an egotistical jackass who could never measure up to you, so that’s not surprising.” She avowed.

Kara laughed. “He’s not the greatest cousin or friend, but he _has_ saved the world a time or two.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “So have you.”

Kara shrugged. “Let’s get off of this topic.” She chuckled. “You’ve been avoiding me, and I’d like to know why.”

Alex didn’t know what to say, because the truth was, she hadn’t been avoiding Kara, she’d just been increasingly wrapped up in her research… Research that she couldn’t tell Kara about.

“No, I’ve just been studying a subject that I’m very interested in, and I’ve let more time pass me by than I had realized. I’m sorry, Kar’.”

Kara bit her cheek and looked down at the floor before nodding her head. “Okay.” She concurred. “But I have to ask you something.”

Alex raised a questioning brow as she shoved another rice ball into her mouth. “Ask away.” She said with a mouthful of rice.

Kara giggled at her and rose her thumb to wipe away food from the agent’s lower lip, causing Alex to fill with butterflies, and her breath to hitch momentarily. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

Alex froze. “I-… N-nothing?” She said questioningly, her brain short-circuited by Kara’s touch.

Kara smiled. “Perfect! You can come home with me.”

Alex knew that she should be panicking, knew that she should refuse, but she was so starved of Kara’s touch that the only thing she could do was stare at her awkwardly.

Apparently, however, that Made Kara self-conscious. “I-I mean, I know it’s not ideal, but since you still haven’t made a single new friend since you’ve moved here, I figured why not come home with me? I just want you to have a good holiday… I’m not trying to replace your family. I _know_ my mother, and I could never replace your family… wherever they are.”

 _You don’t have to replace them, Kar’… You **are** them._ She thought as an ache in the pit of her stomach grew larger. “I-,” She trailed off, she had no idea what to say. How could she go to Midvale and pretend that everything was hunky-dory? That she had only known her own _mother_ from the time they ‘met’ at the DEO right after they realized Kara’s memory had been wiped? There were so many reasons Alex should say no, and every muscle in her fiber told her that this would be a horrible idea, but the look upon Kara’s face made her decision for her.

There was not a damn thing in this world that she would deny Kara, no matter how hard it pained Alex… Besides, it may give Alex and Eliza time to work together on finding a way to reverse the serum without looking too conspicuous. “I’d love to!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed:)


	8. Chapter 8

Driving to Midvale was actually the most awkward thing she’d done since she’d fallen in love with Kara.

First, the GPS was telling her to take the longest route possible. Second, every time she’d go to turn on a road that would lead them to Midvale sooner out of habit, while the GPS was telling her to keep going straight, Kara would look at her with curiosity and It was causing Alex to squirm in her seat. She needed to stop being so obvious.

Kara had been silent for the most of the four hours that they’d been on the road, she was staring out at the blue sky, her hair down, glasses off, and the most content facial expression Alex had seen on her face since she’d woken up after Max’s amnesia serum.

She looked absolutely gorgeous, and Alex had to force herself to keep the car on the road instead of pulling over and hopping into Kara’s lap. She knew that’d be wrong for more than one reason; namely, because Kara wasn’t in her right mind, so she couldn’t genuinely consent, and when/if she ever got her memories back, she would hate Alex… She might even hate Alex just for still being in love with her, but _god_ did Alex hope she wouldn’t.

“So, um… What’s your home like?” Alex asked, unable to bear the silence any longer.

Kara slowly turned her head to smile at Alex. “Krypton or Midvale?”

Alex turned her head momentarily to give Kara a soft smile. “Whichever one you consider to be more your home.”

Kara sighed and pursed her lips. “I love my mom, I do. I _really_ do… But Earth has never felt like home to me. I’ve always been an outcast. At school, I was always just a weird girl who was extremely strong. I didn’t know who the first president was until eleventh grade, and my best friend was a cat named streaky. I’ve never belonged on Earth; it was a mistake for my parents to send me here. If they hadn’t, I would be happier, and I wouldn’t be causing the world so much danger. Earth would actually be safer without my cousin and I.. A lot less aliens would attack it, that’s for sure.”

Alex’s heart ached… Kara didn’t like it on Earth. She felt more alien than she already was, and it killed her to know that Kara didn’t see how much of a hero she really was. “The world needs Supergirl and Superman more than you think.” She said. “You’re beacons of hope. You’re an inspiration to the world, and I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for you.”

Kara shot Alex a half smile. “I’m glad that I mean so much to you.”

The tone of Kara’s voice as she said that was so earnest that Alex almost swerved off the road because of how fast her heart rate was. “Of course.” She croaked before clearing her throat. “But you still didn’t tell me about your home.”

Kara chuckled for a moment before she began describing the futuristic Utopia that was Krypton. Alex had heard it a million times, every time Kara would get sad, or scared when they were younger, Alex would cradle Kara in her arms and rock her back and forth while Kara would describe her long-lost home. Yet, for some reason, every time Kara described the red, bird-less skies, Alex would always get a sense of harmony. Hearing Kara talk so reverently about something always made her heart swell with love.

When Kara finished, Alex said what she’d always said whenever Kara finished describing her home world. “Krypton sounds gorgeous. Which is fitting for someone like you, Kara Danvers.”

Alex once again kicked herself for letting the instinct to flirt with Kara when Kara’s eyes widened. “S-sorry, I-,”

Kara laughed and shook her head. “No, no. Don’t be. I just wasn’t expecting you to be the flirtatious friend.”

Alex relaxed, Kara hadn’t known that she’d meant it. “Right.” She chuckled half-heartedly.

“Enough about my life. What about you? The mysterious Doctor, Agent, and bio-engineer Alex Grey? I don’t know much about you.” Kara said inquisitively.

“Oh. Um, there’s really not much to tell. I was born in a small town in Northern California.”

“Oh? Which town?” Kara asked.

Alex thought as hard as she could, but all she could think of was the town they’d spent the night in when they went driving across the state for spring break their senior year. “It's just this little town called Carnelian Bay. Only had one stoplight.”

Kara seemed impressed but said nothing, looking at the agent with an expectant gaze.

“I was a real Daddy’s girl when I was younger, but then my foster sister came into the picture, and he started to work a lot more. It didn’t really bother me that much though, because I was infatuated with yo- er… With her.”

“What was her name?” Kara asked sweetly. “If you don’t mind me asking?”

Alex pulled to a stop at a stoplight and looked over at Kara. What was she supposed to tell her? There was absolutely no other name that could fit her besides El… Her r _eal_ last name. So, she went with it. “Elle.”

Kara smiled. “That’s a beautiful name. I’m sure she was just as beautiful.”

 _You’re even more beautiful, Kar’._ “She is.”

Alex realized her slip just as the light turned green, so, without saying another word she drove and continued to face the road, not wanting to see Kara’s expression.

“ _Is_?” Kara asked, a frown evident in her voice. “I thought… I thought that she was gone?”

Alex swallowed, trying to think of what to say. “She is. She’s…” _Right next to me, asking me questions that I can’t possibly fucking answer without lying through my teeth._ “She’s mentally incapacitated, and there’s a very unlikely chance that she will ever come back to herself.” She gritted out as she tightened her grip on her wheel so hard that her knuckles turned white.

“Oh… I’m so sorry, Alex. Where is she? Do you visit her often?”

Alex clenched her jaw and nodded. “She doesn’t know who I am.”

Kara’s face showed pure agony for her. “I’m so, so sorry; I shouldn’t have asked. We can change the topic.”

Alex shook her head, waving Kara’s worries away. She refused to have the Kryptonian blaming herself for something that was purely **_Alex’s_** fault, to begin with. “It’s my fault. I failed to protect her, and now she’s the one paying the price.”

“You can’t honestly believe that…” Kara said sadly.

“Oh, but I do. It was purely my fault. If I hadn’t antagonized Maxwell Lord, I would be at home, with my foster-sister, and we would be laughing, and cuddling, and joking around. She’d be smiling at me with love in her eyes, and my mom would be proud of us. Instead, I’m going to be without her, for the rest of my life, and there’s very little chance she’ll ever look at me the same way again. She didn’t feel the same way about me that I feel about her, not when she was hurt at least, but… She still loved me more than a normal sister would… Our bond was strong, and even though I know I could never have her the way I wanted, knowing that what we had was extremely rare and special, that was enough to help me get by. But now she looks at me like she’d like to get to know me like I’m just an acquaintance, and it kills me every time I look into her eyes.”

Kara frowned. “That has to be _so_ difficult for you, Alex. I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. You are stronger than you seem to realize though, because even if Winn and I broke up, I still care for him a great deal, and seeing him look at me like a complete stranger would destroy me… You’re in love with Elle, so it must be excruciating.”

Alex swallowed back tears and nodded. “You’ve got no idea.” She admitted with a raspy voice.

She decided to change the topic immediately and continue going on as vaguely as she could about her (their) childhood. Until they pulled up to Eliza’s house.

Eliza was sitting on her porch swing and waved to them happily. Alex smiled as flashbacks of coming home from school with Kara to this same exact sight flooded her mind.

 _Damn_ did she miss those days…

“It’s nice to see you again, Dr. Grey,” Eliza said with a friendly smile as she offered Alex her hand.

Alex’s heart sank at the formality, hating that her mother wasn’t offering her a tender embrace after two months of not seeing her, but it was for Kara, so she endured it. She took her mother’s hand and shook it firmly. “It’s nice to see you again as well, Dr. Danvers.”

Eliza looked over to see that Kara wasn’t watching them and placed a something in her daughter’s hand. Alex furrowed her brow and looked at the note. She unfolded it and read it.

_I’m glad she invited you. We will figure this out, Alex. You will get your sister back_.

~I love you

Alex smiled and clenched her mom’s hand before Kara arrived at her side with their suitcases. “Hey, Mom.” Kara greeted as she set the bags down and embraced Eliza tightly. “I missed you.”

Eliza looked like she was in over her head… It wasn’t usual for Kara to call her mom, nor was it normal for her to admit to missing Eliza, but she hid it reasonably well, given the circumstance. “I missed you too, sweetheart. I’m so glad that you’re home for the holidays.” She said with a welcoming smile.

Kara grinned. “What’s for lunch?”

All three of them laughed at Kara’s ridiculous appetite before they walked into the house.

As they entered, Alex noticed several spots on the walls and shelves where her trophies, pictures, and plaques had been but were now replaced with Kara’s paintings, and school pictures. “Wow, those are some beautiful paintings, Dr. Danvers, you’re really talented,” Alex said, knowing that she was going to make Kara’s beaming smile appear at the complement.

Eliza turned around and smiled, “Actually, those are Kara’s paintings. She’s always had a passion for empty canvases.”

Kara blushed and shyly tilted her head towards the floor. “I’m not _that_ good.”

Alex smiled. _No, you’re fucking amazing._ She thought.

When they reached the living room, Eliza gestured towards the couch. “Well, unfortunately, this is the only guest bed I’ve got unless you’d like to use an air mattress.” She said, and the look on her face indicated that this entire situation was hurting the older woman far more than Alex had thought it was.

Alex smiled and was getting ready to accept when Kara butted in. “No way!” She adamantly refused “I happen to remember you had a cot down in the basement! I can go get it in a jiffy, and I can sleep on that. It’s way more comfortable than that lumpy old fold out couch!”

Alex’s heart dropped, and Eliza’s eyes widened as she looked at her birth daughter with panic... They couldn’t have Kara go down to the basement, that’s where everything Alex-Related was being held.

“I THREW IT OUT!”  Eliza blurted.

Kara froze, a frown adorning her face. “What?”

Eliza nodded. “Mhm. I didn’t think I would ever have visitors again so I um… I threw it out.”

Kara stared at Eliza for a moment before frowning. “Well, Alex can still take my bed. I’ll take the air mattress. That way we can both sleep in my room, and she doesn’t have to worry about sleeping alone in a foreign house in the middle of nowhere.”

Alex swallowed hard. Sleeping in their old room with an amnesiac Kara just didn’t sound doable, but once again, the look on Kara’s face made her decision for her because she had always been, and would always be, unable to deny Kara a single thing. “Sounds perfect.” She said. “But I’m taking the air mattress, and if I hear another word about it, I’m going back to National City.” She said with a smirk.

Kara let out a ‘Hmph,’ but conceded to her, and Alex smirked at the small victory.

**XXX**

They’d gone to the beach, and to Alex’s bewilderment somehow in the midst of Kara forgetting Alex; she’d managed to gain surfing abilities. It was cold out, and not many people were out on the water unless they were on boats, but Kara was Kryptonian, and she didn’t feel the cold like everyone else did.  

Alex couldn’t keep her eyes off of Kara’s perfect figure in her tight wetsuit; she looked absolutely gorgeous, and her suit did nothing but accentuate her hourglass figure. She’d refused to get into the water with Kara under the guise that she thought the water was freezing, but the truth was that Alex was terrified of what she might do if she got too close to Kara while she looked like that, and the agent hated herself for it.

She watched from the beach with Eliza as Kara chased a massive wave, and smiled as she began riding it, but her pride was short lived as Eliza spoke.

“I can see what you’re doing, Alexandra. I know that this hurts us both, and I know that Kara doesn’t quite realize the predicament you’re both in, but that’s why you can’t do what you’re thinking about.” She scolded.

Alex glared at Eliza. “What the hell are you talking about, Mom? I’m not thinking about anything.”

Eliza scoffed. “I know that there are quite a few differences between our Kara and the one we are faced with right now, but I also know that she’s got the same personality and heart… Which is exactly why you believe that you are in love with her.”

“I _am_ in love with her… But I’m not going to act on it. I know she can’t consent, and even if she could, she still wouldn’t want me. I’m her _sister_ that’s all I’ll ever be to her.”

Eliza scoffed. “You weren’t able to accept that she was just your sister back when you two were teenagers… You treated her like total garbage your entire junior year after she ended your little tryst. She may have moved on, but I can see it in your eyes, Alexandra. You’re thinking about what could be now that you “aren’t” sisters, and that frightens me.”

“You _really_ think that I’d try to take advantage of her like that!? You really think that I’m capable of basically _raping_ her? You’re disgusting!” Alex seethed. “I may love her more than I should, I may hope that when she remembers everything she’ll decide she wants to be with me, but I know it’s a long shot, and I’ve resigned myself to that fact! Because I just want her to be happy, mother. _That’s_ what love is! Love is wanting someone else to be happy, even if it destroys you to know that their happiness doesn’t involve you. Kara is everything good in this world, without her, I’m nothing, and right now I only feel like partial of a person because this isn’t the _whole Kara._ When and if we get her back, I’ll be seventy percent a person again. I’ll only ever be a whole person if she decides that she wants to be with me again… but that’ll never happen. I will never and _could_ never take advantage of her.”

Eliza clenched her jaw as Kara landed on the beach and shook her hair dry as she brought back her surf board. “It really sucks being the only person who can’t feel how cold this is.” She laughed. “It’d be nice to have a November Surfing buddy.”

Alex laughed at her, and Eliza just playfully shook her head. “Whose hungry?” The mother asked.

Kara raised her hand emphatically. “ME!”

Eliza and Alex both smiled adoringly at their beloved Kryptonian before walking back up the trail that led to the house.

**XXX**

Later that evening, Alex was setting up her air mattress when Kara came in from the shower. Her hair was sopping wet, and her body was only covered by a very short towel, and it took everything in herself not to run over to her and kiss her.

Kara froze in the doorway. “Oh geeze! I’m sorry, I forgot that you’re in here.” She babbled before she supersped into her pajamas.

Alex chuckled nervously. “No worries, if I looked like you I’d be strutting my stuff too.” Kara’s cheeks flushed, and her eyes went wide again. _God damnit what the fuck is wrong with me?_

Kara smirked after a minute. “You’re very flirty.”

Alex gulped. “Sorry.”

With a shrug, Kara sat on her bed. “It’s definitely an improvement from your earlier self.” She laughed. “Your Elle must have been a real tough cookie if she was able to resist your flirtations.”

Alex swallowed, trying to remind herself that _this_ Kara wasn’t her Kara. That _this_ Kara still wasn’t interested in her no matter how she may be responding to her unintentional flirtations. “Ha! Yeah, she was definitely tough.”

Kara laid down on her bed and covered herself up with her Sun Yellow comforter. “Sleep tight Alex.” She said reaching for her bedside lamp.

“You too, Kara,” Alex said as she too covered herself up.

“I’m really happy that you came with me. It kind of feels like you’ve always supposed to be here.”

Alex smiled tightly as Kara turned out the light, bathing the room in a darkness that was only dampened by the moonlight. “Yeah. It feels like that for me too.”

Her heart was yearning for the other woman, for her foster sister, for the woman who’d always have her heart… But although she was only five feet away, she wasn’t able to get up and go to her… It’d be wrong, and Kara would think of her as a monster…

She was in a bed, staring at a girl across the room that she was in love with, but no matter how bad she wanted to she couldn’t go and touch her. She was trapped by her situation… 

Suddenly, she realized that she was living out Kara’s nightmare from two weeks prior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope that this was an enjoyable chapter. Please let me know your thoughts! :)


	9. Chapter 9

Sleep wasn’t possible for Alex as she laid in her childhood room, watching Kara float in her sleep. She chuckled at how adorable she still found it after all these years, but sat up, knowing that the night was going to inevitably end with her gaining no rest.

She sighed and arose from the bed, feeling dread flow through her when she realized that she’d agreed to an entire week in close quarters with a mother who she would never be enough for, and her foster sister who she was madly in love with, but who couldn’t even remember their relationship.

She walked along the halls, finding every empty spot where her childhood memorabilia was supposed to be, and feeling her heart crack piece by piece every time she spotted another one.

Descending the stairs, Alex noticed that the kitchen light was on and immediately went into defense mode, ready to fight away whatever criminal had found their way to her home.

She slowly crept the rest of the way, but then relaxed when she saw her mother sitting there, her elbows rested on the kitchen table, her hands holding her face as she slumped over a steaming mug of what she assumed was tea.

“Mom?” She asked worriedly.

Eliza startled because of her daughter’s unexpected voice but calmed down when she registered what was going on. She covered her heart and let out a deep breath. “Jesus, Alex. I’m sixty-two years old, you’re going to put me in the grave if you keep stopping my heart like that.” She chuckled.

Alex smiled, glad her mother seemed to be in better spirits than she had previously been on the beach. “What’re you doing? IT’s three in the morning.”

Eliza nodded as she eyed Alex while she sat down across from. “I know, but when your daughter doesn’t remember half of her life correctly, and she’s not completely the same person that she used to be, it sort of makes it impossible to rest your mind.”

Alex’s heart broke when she realized that Eliza was just as terrified for Kara as she was herself. “If she never remembers me, she’ll never be able to trust me or care for me as much as she used to, but I don’t think that she is a completely different person, mom. She still remembers you and dad.”

Eliza sighed and nodded. “But she will always have this extra darkness to her, that she never had when she remembered you were her sister.”

Alex gritted her teeth, trying to fight back the pain that label had always caused her, and shook her head. “No, mom. She’ll be fine. She doesn’t need me for her to be able to be herself.”

Eliza rose her head and stared at Alex incredulously. “Have you seen the way she’s acting, Alex? She’s _not_ her happy-go-lucky self, right now. That’s because she doesn’t remember her relationship with you. Nothing else can explain it. You two have always been close, and because she doesn’t remember that you’re her sister, she doesn’t have that special connection with humanity that she’s always had…. She doesn’t feel human enough here to feel at home. A childhood without you in it must mean that she was ostracized and bullied all through high school. She must feel far more alienated than she would have with you in her life, protecting her, defending her, and loving her like you always have. You were her rock, Alex. You’ve always been the best big sister I’ve ever seen, she needs you far more than you seem to realize.”

Alex bit back her remarks about **never having been Kara’s sister** , and let the rest of Eliza’s speech sink in… Kara did seem far sadder than she usually was, she’d noticed that almost immediately. She’d noticed that she seemed more distant, melancholy, and darker than she was, but underneath all of that pain, the real Kara was still there. The funny, genius, golden hearted alien girl that had stolen her heart over fifteen years ago was still there, and it seemed that nothing could change that.

“Kara is still herself, Mom.” She started. “She’s just never had someone be there for her like I was.” She paused as realization hit her like a freight train going full force. “But she isn’t as happy… She’s really not happy at all, is she?”

Eliza’s face contorted into one of utter devastation as she began crying. She shook her head. “No, honey… No, she’s not.”

Alex’s heart ached as she stood from her seat and walked around the table to embrace her mother. “Shhh. Mom, it’ll be okay. We’ll get her back. We’ll get her back.” The agent cooed.

 She knew it’d be hard for them both until Kara was back to her fully sunny self, but she also knew that as long as Kara was alive, as long as _they_ were alive, there was still hope that they could get her back because they would never stop trying.

“Alex, I know that you and I had a spat earlier, but you need to know that I forgive you for what you did to Kara in the past and that I still love you. I will always love you, Lexie. You’re my baby girl, just as Kara is.”

Alex clenched her jaw, trying hard not to snap at her mother for her remark about ‘what she did to Kara’. She knew her mom loved her, just not as much as she loved Kara. “I love you too, Mom. We’ll find her again. We _will.”_ She said, trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Eliza.

 

**XXX**

The next morning, Alex watched Kara wake up and fall back onto the bed. She chuckled, loving the familiarity of it all. It was like being a teenager all over again… Except right now she couldn’t hold Kara and love her like she wanted to. “Morning sleep floater.” She laughed.

Kara made a pouty face. “Stop it.”

Alex’s heart melted as she stood up and walked over to her. “Stop what? Making fun of my si-… er. Making fun of my friend for flying in her sleep?”

Kara furrowed her brow. “Were you about to call me your sister?” She asked, confusion palpable in her voice.

“Um… no?” She replied.

Kara looked at her confusedly, and then without a moment’s notice, she grabbed her head as she grimaced and screamed out. “AHH!” She let out in a blood curdling scream.

Alex’s heart dropped, and her stomach turned… This was what Maxwell was talking about… Kara’s brain was trying to remember Alex because of her stupid slip-up, and now, the Kryptonian was paying the price.. She was forgetting more than she already had, and slowly but surely, it might just kill her.

She dropped to her knees in front of Kara and tried her hardest to pry the Kryptonian’s hands away from her head. “Kara! Kara, look at me! Look at me!” She sobbed. “It’s okay, stop focusing on what I said. I didn’t mean anything by it. Okay? I’m sorry. I’m still sleepy.” Kara was still screaming out in pain, Alex was pleading with her to forget what she’d been stupid enough to slip, when Eliza pounded up the stairs and burst through the door.

Alex looked at her mother pleadingly, tears gushing down her face. All she could do was feel helpless and pathetic as she hoped that Eliza would be able to help Kara.

 They met eyes, and without another word, Eliza ran to Kara’s side. She embraced her foster daughter just like a mother would hold an infant then began to speak soothingly to her. “Kara, Kara darling. It’s okay just relax your mind, sweetheart. Just breathe. Remember the oceans. Remember the waves. Clear your mind, darling. It’ll all be okay.” Eliza took a deep breath and started coaching Kara just as she had when Kara had first arrived and was having panic attacks.

Slowly but surely Kara came down from her pain and opened her eyes, but what Alex saw when she looked into those orbs that were usually as indigo as the ocean, was something drastically different… Instead of warm, blue pools of sincerity and care, they were dark,  _purple_ puddles of **anguish**.

It was clear that whatever Maxwell had done to Kara was severe, and she needed to work as fast as she possibly could to reverse it… It was time to call in the big guns, and that meant more than just a DEO lab, some personal notes, and her mother…

It meant involving Winn, Lena, and L-Corp as well.

HEr heart was aching, and she was riddled with guilt at her idiocy, but she intended to fix this... To set everything right again.

She just hoped that if and when this was all over, Kara could forgive her for everything, and still want Alex in her life.

She knew she didn't stand a romantic chance with Kara, especially not after she'd caused this to happen to her, but she still held out hope that Kara may still love her as a sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will the science bros be able to help?


	10. Chapter 10

Alex had texted Lena, and Winn both shortly after Kara’s massive semi-stroke, and had explained everything. She told them about the serum, where the rest of it was in her office and had emailed them all of the research she’d done. Alex planned to stay in Midvale until Thanksgiving was over like she had promised Kara, and then join them in their effort to find an antidote. Alex decided that for the rest of the time she was in Midvale she would secretly work with Eliza as well.

Kara wasn’t feeling well. It had only been a few hours since the serum had erased more of her memories, and Alex was terrified to figure out what else she’d forgotten, yet she wouldn’t be able to figure the extent of the damage until Kara got out of bed and started being active again.

Eliza had just left to go to the store, so Alex finally had a chance to approach Kara without interruption. She gently opened the door to her childhood bedroom and caught a glimpse of a very frail looking Kryptonian. Her heart ached not only from seeing Kara in pain but from guilt as well… because if it weren’t for Alex's actions, Kara would be able to remember her entire life. She’d be happy, and not in pain.

Kara was motionless on her bed, her arms over her head, and Kryptonian-strength ear plugs in her ears to prevent any noises from causing her headache to worsen, so she was completely oblivious to Alex’s presence.

The agent took a moment to compose herself, before walking over to Kara, and gently tapping her arm.

Kara jolted up from her bed with wide and panicked eyes before realizing it was Alex and calming down. “Holy cow! Don’t scare me like that.” She said with a lazy smile as she slowly laid back down on the bed and took one of her ear plugs out. She closed her eyes again. “What’s up? I’m sorry I’m being such a terrible host, I have no idea what’s going on with this headache… I normally only get them when I am close by a really loud noise and my super hearing is over exerted.” She whispered.

Alex smiled sadly. “That’s okay, Kar’. I just wanted to make sure _you’re_ okay.” She whispered back.

“Better now that you’re here.” The Kryptonian replied.

Alex tried hard to ignore the flutter of her heart that knowing her presence made Kara happy caused. “Well, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere Kara Danvers.”

Kara’s lazy smile turned into a genuine one, and she slowly opened her eyes to look at Alex. “Yeah?” She asked.

Alex nodded. “Absolutely. You’re stuck with me now.”

That was when there was a flicker in Kara’s eyes, it was as if she recognized Alex, and the agent’s heart stopped. “Kara?” She whispered.

Kara gingerly sat up, and cupped Alex’s cheek with her hand. “You’re the most intriguing human on Earth, Alexandra Grey.” She crooned.

Alex’s heart was beating rapidly. She swallowed thickly, trying her hardest not to let her overwhelming need to connect their lips win out. “You’re just saying that because your head hurts.” She tried to joke.

Kara did something at that moment that Alex really wished _her_ Kara would do; she leaned in and pressed her lips to Alex’s forehead. “I’m saying it because it’s the truth. You make me feel alive, Alex. You’re the best… _friend_ I’ve ever had. It’s like somehow we’ve always known each other.”

It took everything Alex had inside of her not to let those words affect her the way that they wanted to. She wanted more than anything for Kara to remember. “I feel that way too.” She whispered with a melancholy smile.

Kara smiled widely. “Is that maybe why you almost called me your sister earlier? Because you feel such a strong connection?”

Alex swallowed thickly as she nodded her head, it wasn’t the entire truth, but at least it wasn’t entirely out of the ballpark. It was the closest thing to the truth that she could tell Kara without it ruining everything.

“Yeah… Yeah, that’s exactly what happened.” Alex said with a nervous smile.

Kara nodded and pursed her lips. “I suppose that makes sense. I’m sorry that I reacted like that… I don’t know what happened but as soon as you said that my head just started _hurting_.”

Alex fought back tears, knowing that Kara’s massive migraine was her fault. “It’s okay. Don’t apologize. There’s nothing to be sorry about. We can’t help it when our body decides to screw with us.” She avowed as she offered Kara a faulty smile.

Kara smiled kindly at her. “You’re the best, Alex Grey… The absolute best.”

Alex smiled, but her heart ached because if Kara only knew what that headache truly was, she wouldn’t believe Alex to be anything but terrible.

**XXX**

That night, Kara had fallen asleep long before Alex had managed to, so Alex had made her way downstairs and into Eliza’s office to study Kryptonian brains a bit more.

She was halfway through an article her mother had written when she had first studied Clark’s brain when the office door opened.

Fearing that the intruder was Kara, she hurriedly slammed her book closed and dropped it under the desk, but when she realized that it was Eliza, she let out a breath of relief.

“Still can’t sleep?” Alex asked sadly.

Eliza shook her head. “Still can’t sleep.”

“Me either. It’s… it’s hard. Sharing my room with the most important person in my life who doesn’t even remember me is… well, it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced, and that’s saying a _lot_.”

Eliza frowned as she sat down in the chair across from Alex. “She’s your sister, Alex. You have to remember that.”

Alex’s heart ached, and she placed the book she had just picked up from the floor onto the desk. “ENOUGH!” She whispered viciously, refusing to wake Kara because of her mother’s bigotry. “Enough! Okay?! I get it. She’ll never love me the way that I love her. She will always see me as a sister. I will never get to be with her. I get it! But you know what else, Mom? I also get that it’s all because of **_you_**! She stopped loving me because _you_ told her to, and she was too terrified of losing yet a _nother_ family that she somehow stopped loving me. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to, it wasn’t because she just stopped, it’s because she was a scared little alien girl with nowhere else to go, her only surviving blood relative had completely abandoned her, and she had only been on the planet for three years so she decided that giving up our relationship was a better decision than giving up her life. We were never sisters until you broke us up, Mom. She never called you ‘Mom’, she never called Dad, ‘Dad’. She never called me ‘sis’ because she already _had_ parents, but they died. She just didn’t want to be alone, so she did whatever was required of her so that she didn’t have to face being abandoned all over again. You forced me to lose the love of my life long before Maxwell Lord did!”

Eliza sighed and shook her head. “She’s already an alien, Alexandra. Do you want her to be even more alienated by society by having her be in an incestuous relationship as well? You are the only reason she felt at home on this planet, but if you two had been together permanently, don’t you see how that would affect her? She’d be just like this… possibly even unhappier because I’m sure she wouldn’t have stayed in the relationship once word got out that you two were not just foster-sisters. It was best for _her_ , darling. Whether you like it or not, you weren’t the one she needed to be with. You didn’t see how vulnerable she was, how easy of a target she had been, and if anyone found out that you two were dating she could have been ripped away from us, which would have resulted in people finding out her true identity, and she could have been experimented on or worse… killed.”

Alex clenched her jaw, she saw her mother’s point, but it didn’t change one thing. “You could have just told us to keep it out of the public eye until we were adults and moved away to a town that didn’t know our backstory. Where we could just be Kara and Alex, two women in love with each other. I love her, Mom… and no matter what you say, no matter how she feels because of you, I will always love her much more than someone should love their ‘sibling’.”

Eliza sighed as she squeezed her temples. “Whatever happened to that Maggie girl? She was an adequate fit for you.”

Alex felt rage at the mention of her ex-fiancée. “She wasn’t **_Kara_**!”

Eliza stood up and shook her head. “Kara is your sister, Alexandra. Whether you like it or not, she will _always_ be your sister. I will always love you, sweetheart, but I have never been more disappointed in you than I am at this very moment… Do not blame me for protecting my daughter.”

Alex clenched her jaw, her heart had been through so much the past few months, and this was the tipping point.

She needed a goddamn drink. She stormed out of the room and went to the kitchen grabbing one of Eliza’s most expensive bottles of scotch before heading to the backyard.

Her heart was on fire; she was at risk of losing Kara forever. Her mother would never accept their relationship even if Kara one day decided to be with her again, which meant that Kara would never be with her, and Eliza was disappointed in her… but honestly, when wasn’t she?

She walked until she saw her and Kara’s old treehouse and decided that would be her perch for the night.

She climbed up the ladder and sat criss-cross on the floor, her legs hanging off the edge as she opened the bottle, but just as she rose the bottle to her lips she remembered the promise she had made to Kara all those months ago:  

_“I went to my first meeting yesterday. I promise you, Kara. I will get sober. No matter what, I won’t let you down, Kar’. No more alcohol… Not even Wine Coolers.”_

She had made a promise to Kara, and she refused to break it now… So as much as it pained her, she threw the alcohol out of the treehouse and watched as it shattered on the ground… She couldn’t wait to get out of this goddamned hellhole and never return.

**XXX**

Thanksgiving dinner had finally arrived, and as Eliza and Kara were preparing the last of the food, Alex sat quietly at her designated spot, texting back and forth with Lena.

 **Alex:** _Any luck yet? I miss her, Lena._

 **Lena:** _I miss her too, Alex. She’s there, but she’s **not,** and it is really starting to be depressing. Winn and I think that we have found something useful; it might take a while, but I think it’s a promising lead._

Alex didn’t know whether to feel excited or terrified… She was somewhere between both. She let out a shaky breath as she sent the text.

 **Alex:** _Will she remember anything that happened during the time she was infected?_

God, she hoped not… After everything she admitted as 'Alex Grey' if Kara remembered the past few months, she’d no doubt be disgusted with Alex. Possibly even demanding that Alex never step foot near her again, and that was something that she couldn’t bear to experience.

She put her phone on the table when Kara came into the room carrying the turkey with a massive smile on her face. “HAPPY TURKEY DAY!” She squealed delightedly as she placed the bird on the table. “This is seriously my favorite holiday _ever_ because it’s all about FOOD!”

Alex chuckled and felt her heart swell with adoration for the Kryptonian. “You’re a dork.” She said with a fond smile.

Kara blushed at that, and Alex’s heart skipped a beat… How the hell was this woman so damn incredible?

Once the rest of the food was finally on the table, Kara sat down across from Alex as Eliza sat at the head of the table, and they began their meal. As Kara sliced the turkey with her laser vision, Alex’s phone vibrated on the table.

Alex discreetly checked it and read Lena’s response.

 **Lena:** _It’s a bit more complicated than that… I’m not entirely sure how to explain it over a text. Will you be home tomorrow?_

Alex’s heart palpitated, and she swallowed her worries as she replied.

 **Alex:** _Should be. I’ll be at your office as soon as I can._

She looked at Kara who was placing a considerable portion of the turkey onto her own plate and then looked at her mother who was filling half of her plate with Green Bean Casserole.

She loved her mother, regardless of what had happened two nights prior, but being in her presence was currently destroying her.

She placed some turkey and mashed potatoes on her own plate before digging into her own food.

But then something happened; something both marvelous, and torturous…. Kara moaned… She fucking _moaned_ out loud as she placed a forkful of yams in her mouth, and it took Alex’s breath away because _damn_ did she love that sound.

She squeezed her thighs together to abate her arousal and continued to eat in silence, because what the hell was she supposed to do?

**XXX**

After a while, Kara stopped with her gorgeous groans, and they began to have a conversation; one that Eliza had butted into, so Alex was being forced to pretend to be on decent terms with the older woman.

“Right! But I didn’t _mean_ to, Mom.” Kara said with a chuckle. “I mean, we kissed but somehow during that his nose ended up breaking, and I didn’t _mean_ to do it… I felt horrible!”

Alex had to fight back her tears and feigned a laugh when Kara and Eliza began giggling… Kara was talking about Jason… the first person she had kissed after she had ended their relationship… The first time Alex realized how painful jealousy was… How painful the rest of her life would be because she knew that Kara would never come back to her.

The worst of it all was that Eliza knew precisely what this was doing to Alex, but she seemed not to give a damn.

Kara appeared to notice something was off with Alex and furrowed her brow before asking. “Alex? Are you okay?”

The agent didn’t know how to answer that question convincingly, so she took a sip of her juice and nodded.

Kara didn’t seem to be convinced, but let it go anyway, and Alex could not have been more grateful.

**XXX**

After the dinner, Eliza had gone to shower, leaving Kara and Alex to do the dishes.

Alex tried her hardest to remain silent as she dried the dishes that Kara handed her, but eventually, Kara spoke up… Like Alex knew she would.

“Did I say something that upset you?” The Kryptonian asked sadly.

Alex’s heart sank, and she immediately shook her head to dissuade Kara’s guilt. “No! God no, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I’m just really missing Elle today. Spending Thanksgiving without her is really hard.”

Kara pulled the brunette into a tight embrace. “I’m so sorry, Alex. No one deserves this type of pain.”

 _I do._ Alex thought. _Because this is all my damn fault._

Alex couldn’t stop her tears any longer, and she began sobbing into Kara’s shoulder.

She cried for the loss of her mother’s pride. She cried for the likelihood that she’d never get to love Kara the way that she deserved to be loved. She cried for the sadness she could see every time Kara’s eyes met her own. She cried because she hadn't been able to figure out what Kara's migraine caused her to forget. She cried because she hadn't been able to work with Eliza that week. She cried because this was all her damn fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to update! Life is hectic right now, and I'm about to go on vacation for a while so it's been very difficult to make time to write.
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait, I was on vacation and I just got back Sunday. But now updates should be more frequent!
> 
> This chapter is short, but it's definitely pivotal, I hope you'll enjoy!

As soon as Alex was back in National City, she hugged Kara goodbye before rushing off to L-Corp to meet Lena and Winn. She had no idea what to expect, but she hoped that what she heard would be good news

She entered the L-Corp elevator and hit the button for the basement, holding her breath as the elevator descended. Her heart was pounding, and her entire body was restless with anxiety for what was to come. She was terrified, she was excited, and she was impatient… a very complex, and uncomfortable combination.

The elevator door opened, and she stepped out of it to see Lena’s massive laboratory. “Jesus Christ.” Alex murmured in shock… she hadn’t expected it to be so expansive.

She wandered around the lab aimlessly, taking in all of the fancy gadgets she’d been begging J’onn to get the D.E.O for years, when she finally found the two people she’d been looking for.

Winn looked up and smiled when he saw the agent. “Alex! Just in time!” He greeted while gesturing for the woman to come closer.

Alex did so immediately, dying to figure out what they’d found. “This is the data that you, Lena, and I have been able to get off of the serum.” He said. “All we could gather was that it was multiple different types of alien DNA.”

Alex nodded. “Riiiight…” Alex agreed with an inquisitive intonation as she looked between Lena and Winn.

Lena smirked. “But we just ran a more in-depth DNA analysis... one of alien origin, and we’ve managed to figure out which races the DNA came from.”

Alex raised a brow, her heart beating rapidly as she realized they were closer to figuring out a way to reverse the mind-swipe than she thought. “Oh?” She croaked out, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Lena nodded. “White Martian grey brain matter, Almeracian Spinal Fluid, and Titanian white brain matter.”

Alex bit her lip. “They all have the ability to distort the mind one way or another…” She whispered as she mentally tried to figure out the method behind the serum. “But how did Lord manage to get them to mix together and cooperate with each other… And how did he get them in the first place?”

Lena shook her head. “We have no idea how he managed to get the DNA samples. The only thing we can be certain of at this point is which alien races they came from. We are trying to figure out what else he mixed the brain matter with in order to get them to work together, we’re thinking it is some type of Kryptonian alkaloid, and once we figure out _exactly_ what alkaloid was used, we’ll know for certain if and _how_ we can reverse the serum.”

Alex let out a shaky breath. She had faith that with the help of Winn and Lena they’d manage to figure out if and how they could get Kara’s memory back... she was just absolutely horrified of what may come from this all.

 

**XXX**

It’d been two weeks since Lena and Winn had divulged what their research disclosed, and Alex had been trying to stay as far away from Kara as possible. Ever since Kara’s migraine, Alex was utterly petrified of accidentally setting off another episode.

She knew that Kara was confused, she knew that Kara was trying her hardest to reach out to her, and although it killed Alex to do so; she ignored every effort and attempt that her sister made.

She was studying Almeracians in her lab late one night when the door swung open. She looked up to see the woman she loved staring at her with nervous eyes. “Hey,” She said.

Alex’s heart fluttered, and a smile reluctantly crept on her face. “Hey, Kar’.”

“You’ve been avoiding me since we got back from Midvale,” Kara stated, a hint of sadness seeping through her voice. “I know that you had a hard time sleeping, and I was a mess that one night I got that headache, and I’m just here to say I’m sorry.” She averted her eyes. “I, um… I _care_ about you, Alex, and I am really sorry if you had a shitty Thanksgiving because of me.”

The pain Alex heard in Kara’s inflection was enough to get Alex to stand and walk over to her. She had no idea what to say, or what excuse would be sufficient enough to pardon her selfish behavior. “Kara, please don’t apologize. I’m not angry with you, and I care about you too, very much.” She admitted.

Kara’s brow furrowed. “Then why are you avoiding me?” She practically pleaded.

Alex’s brain didn’t comprehend what Kara had just asked her because it had focused on Kara’s lips… She was wearing her ‘Purplicious’ lipstick… Alex’s all-time favorite shade on Kara, despite its cringeworthy name.

The lipstick highlighted them perfectly, and sent her back to memories of their secret kisses, soft forehead kisses as they cuddled in their room while Eliza slept, slow lovemaking on Saturday mornings… She remembered the feeling of those impeccable lips dancing against her own. The way they felt as they kissed and nipped all the way down her body. She remembered the way those lips parted as they panted during euphoria, she remembered the way they’d smirk when they caused Alex to do the same thing. She remembered all the things that those lips had done while Alex and Kara were together.

Her heart started racing, and she couldn’t help the fact that she wished they could still do that... could still love each other the way they once had.

Kara seemed to catch notice. "Alex?” She asked curiously.

Alex’s eyes zipped up from luscious, kissable lips, and met ice blue eyes, a blush creeping up her face from knowing she’d been caught. “S-sorry, I was just-,”

“Staring at my lips?” Kara asked slightly cocky.

Alex bit her own lip and averted her eyes, too embarrassed to respond.

Kara’s lips went from a cocky smirk to a determined smile as she closed the distance between them, taking Alex by surprise as she pulled her closer.

Alex looked up with wide eyes and tried to tell Kara that this could _not happen_ , but when she met those cerulean pools that stared down at her with so much affection, so much… _love_ , she couldn’t get the words out. She’d been dying to see that exact expression from those eyes again for so long, that she couldn’t turn this down… She needed Kara more than she needed air.

“Kara- I-,” She trailed off, she had no idea what to say.

Kara smiled shyly. “I feel it too, Alex. I just…” She sighed and shook her head slowly. “I know that you are still in love with Elle, and I thought that there was no way that you were interested, and that if you were, I was just second place right behind Elle... I didn’t want to be your consolation prize… I’m already the world’s consolation Superhero; I didn't want to be someone's consolation lover too. I didn't want to be your second choice lover.” She swallowed and cupped Alex’s face with her palms. “But with you Alex, as long as I _am_ your choice, I can’t find myself to care what place I'm in anymore. All I want is to be with you. I can’t explain this connection that we have, but it’s so much stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before, and I just can’t stop myself now that I know you feel something too.”

And with that, Kara leaned in and pressed her lips to Alex’s.

Alex’s eyes went wide, she fought herself, she really did, but her heart won out, and within moments she was kissing Kara back more fervently than ever before.

Kara held Alex as if she were the most delicate specimen on Earth.  It sent shivers down Alex’s back as their lips danced together, obliterating all of Alex’s thoughts that weren’t about kissing Kara Zor-El.

The agent’s body went rigid with surprise Kara’s tongue dove into her mouth before trembles shook her body with euphoria. Kara’s kiss was soft and slow, yet it was still the most passionate kiss she'd ever experienced, and it caused a flurry of butterflies in her stomach.

The kiss was both Alex’s salvation and her persecution. She had dedicated her whole life to being the best she could be to this woman, yet here she was, being a selfish bitch and taking advantage of Kara in her moment of vulnerability. As soon as her brain caught up to what was happening, Alex’s heart froze, and she yanked away from Kara as roughly as possible.

What the fuck had she just done?!

She was breathless from the kiss, and her heart was aching as she realized that she’d just violated Kara the way she swore she never would; to her mom, to herself, and most importantly, to Kara. “W-what the hell!?” Alex yelled.

Kara’s heartbroken expression sent a shot of pain through Alex’s heart, but she couldn’t let it get to her… she had to shut this down before it went any further and she did something that Kara could never forgive… That Alex could never forgive herself for.

“I-I’m so sorry.” Kara whimpered. “I thought that… That you were staring at my lips because you felt the same way I do. I thought…” Kara shook her head, wiping a tear from her eye in the process. “I’m so sorry. I should have known better. I never meant to violate you.”

Before Alex could even think of a response to that, Kara was gone.

_What the fuck is wrong with me!?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? I love hearing from you!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed my username.... I hope that doesn’t throw anyone off. Lol. I hope you’ll enjoy:)

She sat on her couch, staring at the bottle of whiskey she had placed on her coffee table over five hours ago. She hadn’t taken a sip, hadn’t even opened it; but _dear Rao_ how she wanted to.

The only thing that stopped her was her promise to Kara. The memory of Kara’s tear-filled eyes staring into Alex’s soul, silently pleading with her to get help, burned the agent’s heart.  Time after time Alex had refused Kara’s implorations, until she had fucked up so badly that she didn’t have the ability to ignore Kara’s pleas any longer.

Now, at the time she needed a drink more than ever, all she could do was stare at the bottle that she so desperately wanted to pour down her throat and replay the words that had solidified her sobriety.

_“I promise you, Kara. I will get sober. No matter what, I won’t let you down, Kar’. No more alcohol… Not even Wine Coolers.”_

“Did I really _have_ to include wine coolers?” She scoffed at herself. Her need to get intoxicated growing fiercer by the minute.

Alex was hurting. Hurting because she hurt Kara. Hurting because she _violated_ Kara when she couldn’t genuinely consent to kissing Alex… because she didn’t even know who she really was. Hurting because she knew once Eliza caught wind of the situation, she was going to make her biological daughter’s heart a living hell.

Guilt burned through Alex’s veins like lava… searing her every inch of the way through her. During that kiss, that _sinful_ kiss; Alex felt whole. She felt her beaten and bruised heart tape itself back together again, only for her mind to kick back into reality and remember that this wasn’t wholly _her_ Kara, and she had no right to do what she’d done.

The memory of Kara’s utterly devastated expression stabbed Alex’s heart with a scorching hot blade, and once again, Alex was in tears of pure agony… She’d hurt Kara.

Alexandra Danvers, the woman who’d sworn her life away to protecting Kara Zor-El at all cost, was the primary cause of all of Kara’s pain.

She’d caused Kara’s beloved Aunt to die, destroying Kara for months.

She was the reason Kara risked her identity being revealed and became Supergirl.

She was the reason Kara suffered so much.

She was the reason Kara never really was able to feel at home.

She was the reason Kara currently was miserable.

She was the reason Max wiped Kara’s memory.

There was no pain in Kara’s life -besides the destruction of Krypton- that wasn’t Alex’s fault. So why the hell did she feel entitled to feel Kara’s perfect lips against her own? Why would she take advantage of Kara in her altered state of mind? Why did any of this have to happen to Kara, and not Alex herself?

She growled loudly as her anger at the unfairness of the situation took over. This entire situation was unfair to Kara, and it was all. Her. Fault.

She stood up, abruptly as the guilt charred her heart further. She had no idea what she should do.

Should she go to Kara, and beg the hero to forgive her?

“No.” Alex asserted to herself as she shook her head. “I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I was too weak, and I didn’t protect her from me.” _I need to leave her alone._

As soon as the agent realized that Kara needed protection from _her_ she decided that the best thing for her to do would be to leave town… forever.

She ran to her bedroom, took her duffle bag out of her closet and started throwing all of the clothes she could find into it. She took a picture of herself in Kara  from the Thanksgiving before the amnesia serum, out of her sock drawer, and put it into her wallet before writing a note to J’onn and exiting the apartment.

Her heart was aching, her mind was racing, and her eyes were leaking tears as she made her way down to the parking garage, but before she could get on her motorcycle, a frim grip on her shoulder paused her movements.

Alex squeezed her eyes shut tightly and let out a shaky sigh. “Let me go, J’onn. I need to _go_.”

“Alex, this isn’t what Kara would want.” The Martian said sympathetically.

The redhead huffed. “yeah?” She asked. “what _would_ she want, J’onn? ‘Cause it sure as hell wouldn’t be to swap spit with _me_. We _all_ know that.” She cried. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to look at Kara, who has no idea who I really am, who stares at me like I’m this awe-inspiring puzzle that she just _can’t wait_ to put together again, when the _real_ Kara knows everything about me? DO you have any idea how hard it was for me to pull away from that kiss, J’onn? A kiss I’ve dreamt about for over a _decade_ and when I finally got it, it wasn’t even **_real_**? It wasn’t real, but I still couldn’t control myself because it’s  Kara and I will always be weak for her…”

J’onn turned her around and pulled her into a bearhug the moment Alex began to break down into sobs. “Mom hates me now, and when she finds out what I did, she’ll never forgive me… and what if Kara remembers what I did when she gets her memories of me back again? _She_ will hate me too, and I can’t live with that. I can barely survive her not knowing who I am, J’onn… I won’t be able to survive her knowing who I am and hating me.”

J’onn squeezed his surrogate daughter even harder than before and shook his head. “Your mother is just hurting because Kara isn’t there right now, and she’s taking it out on you. She loves you, and will never hate you, Alex.”

Alex shook her head. “She does. She blames me for this; she blames me for mine and Kara’s relationship in the past. She blames me for Astra’s death and Kara’s heartbreak that it caused. She blames me for Kara becoming Supergirl, and she hates me for it all…. This kiss will be the icing on the cake.”

J’onn kissed the top of Alex’s head before resting his chin on it. “Well, I love you.” He whispered. “No matter what happens after Kara gets her memories back, I will still love you.”

Alex swallowed thickly, reveling in the first comforting embrace she’d had in a while. “What if she hates me, J’onn?”

“She won’t.” The man determined. “She isn’t capable of hate.”

“But what if she does?”

“Alex.” He said with a stern tone. “She _won’t_.”

Alex _almost_ believed him…

_Almost._

**XXX**

She had talked to Winn and Lena a few hours before, and although they were entirely on Kara’s side, and told Alex that she had indeed fucked up majorly, they were understanding, and had told her that either one of them would most likely be just as weak if Kara had come for them… which was just as comforting as it was unnerving to know that they _both_ fancied Kara.

However, even though they discouraged her with that information, they had encouraged Alex to go after Kara, and to make amends now, so that if Kara remembered that past few months, she would be more likely to forgive Alex.

So, that’s why Alexandra Danvers stood with sweaty palms and a shaking body at Kara’s apartment door.

As soon as she rose her hand to knock, the door opened and revealed a teary-eyed Kara staring back at her.

“I’m really sorry, Alex,” Kara said with a croaky voice. “I thought…” She hiccupped. “I thought you were staring at my lips… I thought you felt the same way.”

Alex clenched her jaw and tried her hardest to tell Kara the closest to the truth that she could. “I was.” She said shortly. “I was staring at your lips, Kara; and I _do_ feel the same, and I definitely enjoyed that kiss, but being with you wouldn’t be right. It would be unfair to you, because I am in love with Elle, and I could never be what you wanted me to be. I could never be what you deserve, so the only thing I can offer you is friendship. I’m so, so sorry for the way I reacted, Kara… You’re an amazing woman, and person in general, and I would be the luckiest person in the world to be your girlfriend, I w _ant_ to be your girlfriend, but I can’t. I just… _can’t_.”

Kara averted her eyes. “Alex, I don’t think I can handle being ‘just friends’ with you after this.”

Alex’s heart exploded in her chest. “Kara… please.”

Kara shook her head. “I used to settle for being toyed with, accepted the fate others gave me and let them walk all over me my entire life. When you kissed me back, I was elated, and when you pulled away and looked at me like a monster for kissing you; I was devastated… If you knew you couldn’t be with me, why even let me kiss you? Why kiss back? That was selfish and cruel and I don’t think that I can associate myself wit you now… At first, I thought that you kissed back out of shock, but you _just said_ you did it on purpose. You w _ere_ looking at my lips. You _knew_ what you were doing, and I’m not going to be friends with someone that sees my heart as a yo-yo.”

Alex’s heart was on fire. “No! Kara, that’s not what I was trying to d-,”

“Might not have tried to do it, but it is what you did.” Kara looked at her with cold, hard eyes and then closed the door; severing the last few hair width strings that were keeping Alex’s heart in one piece.

**XXX**

“She hates me.” Alex cried. “And when she gets her memories back, she’s going to hate me more.”

Winn was rubbing soothing circles on her back while Lena tested their alkaloid antidote on the serum.

“She doesn’t hate you, Alex… She’s just… a _lot_ less forgiving without her memories of you.” Winn said, trying fruitlessly to comfort his friend.

“She hates me, and so will my mom once she hears what I did to her favorite kid.”

Lena guffawed. “You do realize that your mommy issues are absolutely nothing compared to mine, do you not?”

Alex frowned. “Yeah, I know bu-,”

Lena shook her head. “Alex, your mother loves you. She’s just more _protective_ of Kara. _MY_ mother hates me. If you truly want to salvage what you have with her, you can. Just wait until after Kara regains her memory. I’m sure that right now she’s only acting like this because she is overly worried for Kara. I agree, she is being a massive bitch, and it is wholly unfair to you; but she doesn’t hate you.”

Although Lena’s words came out harsh, Alex could tell that she was trying to support her, and it felt refreshing to know that someone besides J’onn was there for her right now. “Thanks, Lena. It means a lot.”

Lena gave her a comforting smile and nodded before returning to her work.

**XXX**

Every day for the past fifteen days, Alex would search for Kara at the D.E.O, only to have ‘just missed her’ every time she would enter a room that Supergirl was supposed to be in. She’d sent over one hundred text message to the Kryptonian, that had all gone unanswered, and had called her over thirty times… There was no response.

She was just about to give up, and hold out hope that Lena, herself, and Winn would be quick at finding a way to regain Kara’s memories when her lab door opened, and Kara stepped in.

Alex looked up at the superhero, who had sad, guilt-ridden eyes, and immediately stood up, her heart pounding a mile a minute.

“Alex, I…” She sighed. “Alex there are lots of things that have happened to me throughout the years, and I’m just… I’m just so _tired_ of being hurt.” She met Alex’s eyes and spoke sincerely. “I know that you never intended to hurt me, and I know that there are things in your life you have to figure out before you can think about being with someone new, and I’m sorry for making you feel bad… I was hurt, and angry, and I didn’t know what else to do besides take it out on you. You’re a phenomenal person, and a fantastic friend, and I really don’t want to lose the opportunity to be your friend, so if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d really like to go get milkshakes with you.”

There were so many things that Alex wanted to say to Kara. To apologize for being selfish, to tell Kara that she had no reason to apologize to Alex, but all she was able to do was accept the invitation for milkshakes.

**XXX**

Kara was acting a little uncomfortable around Alex for about a half hour into their milkshake date before she started calming down and became relaxed enough to enjoy herself. From that point forward, it was smooth sailing, and it was as if Alex had never fucked up.

They were laughing, joking around, catching up on the DEO drama, when Alex’s phone rang and the text message she’d been waiting to get finally appeared on her screen:

 

**Lena:** _WE’VE FINALLY GOT IT!!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Lena's news be Alex's saving grace?


	13. Chapter 13

"What do you _**MEAN**_ she has to be powerless for it to work!?" Alex asked exasperatedly. She was in L-Corp's basement lab with Lena and Winn just a few hours after she had received the text… She had been so exhilarated to find out that this may all be coming to an end, but as soon as she heard the news, she was absolutely devastated.

Not only did Kara, have to start trying to remember Alex, but she had to be  _powerless_  as it happened in order for the serum to work.

Lena sighed. "Alex, there's nothing else I can do. We've made the serum, we've tested it out, and now we only have one dose… The alkaloid was extremely hard to mimic, and I don't think we'd be able to get the ingredients together again without traveling to one of Krypton's sister planets and hoping that they might have some."

Alex's heart was breaking… how the hell was this the only way to help Kara? To  _torture_  her and weaken her to the point of not being able to fight Alex's attempts at getting her back to herself? It seemed animalistic to do something so cruel. She shook her head rapidly. "No… No, no, no,  _ **NO**_!" She yelled as she slammed her fists on Lena's lab desk. "I'm not going to stand there next to a weakened Kara and torture her! I'm  _not_  going to cause her more pain than I already have!"

Winn and Lena both looked sympathetically at Alex before Winn spoke up. "Alex, I know this is hard for you… But you know as well as any of us, that Kara's brain will start trying to piece everything together sooner or later, and when it does, she's going to lose more and more of herself. So whether you  _want_  to do this or not, whether  _any of us_  want you to, you have to. Because she's going to die if you don't Alex…"

Winn looked absolutely heartbroken, but Alex really didn't care. She was sad, and furious, and felt like she'd already lost the love of her life. She was broken, afraid, and felt utterly alone despite being in a room with two others.

Once again, because of Alex's actions, Kara was going to have to suffer. "So, all I have to do is set off one of those headaches, keep it going for about three minutes, and then jab the serum into her so that her brain can't erase her memories anymore?"

Lena nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry Alex, but this is the only way."

"And, the past few months? Will she remember them?"

Lena frowned. "I can't say for sure… because of how rare the alkaloid was we weren't able to test it thoroughly on Clark as we had originally intended… We won't know until she wakes up."

Alex's bottom lip was quivering as she spoke. "How long will she be unconscious?"

Lena averted her eyes. "We don't know that either."

Alex's eyes widened. "So you mean to tell me that we are just  _winging_ this?! Do you even know that she  _will_  wake up?"

Lena eyed Alex pityingly. "Yes, Alex. We know she will wake up eventually. I would never risk Kara's, (who is my best friend, by the way) life. We all love her far too much to let anything happen to her."

Alex clenched her jaw and eyed the syringe filled with a green liquid.

 _Green_.

Like Kryptonite…

Like the only thing that could penetrate Kara's skin.

Like the thing that  _weakened_  Kara.

"Put food coloring in that, or I'm not going near Kara with that thing." She asserted, before finally resigning herself to her fate…

She'd have to do it; no one else would be able to.

**XXX**

Alex stood anxiously at Kara's door. The Kryptonian wasn't expecting Alex, but Alex needed one more night of Kara looking at her like she meant something to her before this all went to shit, and Kara hated her for the rest of eternity. So, she greedily decided to spend one last night on Kara's couch, cuddled into the hero's side and forgetting about what she was going to have to do the following day.

She rolled her shoulders to relieve some of the anxiety that was building inside her, let out a breath and knocked on the door.

When the door opened, Kara looked at Alex with a shocked smile. "Alex! I wasn't expecting you tonight." She said as she stepped aside and let Alex through. "What brings you here this late?"

Alex looked at the clock. "I didn't even realize it was this late." She admitted, embarrassment flooding her system

Kara chuckled. "Well, I'll admit it's a surprise, but not an unwelcome one at all." She announced as she offered Alex a small smile. "You're my person."

Alex's heart melted at the sincerity in Kara's voice. "I am?"

"Of course, you are, hasn't that been obvious?" She asked with a hint of a tease in her voice.

"You're my person, too." She replied with a wide smile. "I'd be lost without you."

Kara beamed at Alex as they sat down on the couch together. "I'm glad I mean so much to you, _Agent Grey_ ," Kara said flirtatiously. "Because I feel the same way about you."

"So, you never really answered my question," Kara replied with bemusement.

"Oh, um… I just wanted to hang out."

It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either.

"Well, then let's hang out!" Kara offered as she turned her TV on and started the episode of Grey's Anatomy they had left off on.

Alex watched the screen, not following the episode at all… she'd watched every episode with Kara at least three times, anyway, so if she were asked a question, it wouldn't really be that hard to answer.

Abruptly, Kara paused the episode with a grunt. "Ugh! DON'T start liking this prick." She said as she gestured to the screen, where Alex saw the characters -Owen, and Cristina-.

Alex fought back a laugh because she was prepared to hear Kara's familiar (and adorable) rant about Owen Hunt for the fiftieth time.

"Oh? Why? He seems nice," Alex smirked.

Kara gasped, looking downright offended. "He is absolutely NOT!"

"Oh? Really? What's wrong with him?"

As Kara went on her tirade of reasons she hated Dr. Owen Hunt, Alex watched Kara animatedly speak. She watched her eyes. And how they darkened with anger when she talked about something as minor as a tv show. The way her brow furrowed slightly in concentration, and the way one corner of her lips went down while the other went up as she tried to express how 'cooky' Owen's logic is.

Adoration, admiration, and pure love filled her chest as she watched the woman she loved. She was so overwhelmed with happiness and love while she watched Kara that every other part of her brain stopped thinking, and. "I'm so  _fucking_  in love with you, Kara Zor-El." Slipped out of her mouth.

Kara froze. Her eyes widened, and then dread filled Alex's body. "W-what?"

_Shit._

**XXX**

As soon as the words left her mouth, and Kara tried to get Alex to repeat what she had confessed, Alex ran to the door and left, heading straight for the DEO, because she realized that Doomsday was there… She had to inject Kara with the reversal serum, or it was all over; and the only way for her to do so, was to get Kara into the sparring room where Alex was able to dampen her powers.

Alex was on her bike, praying to Rao that Kara would follow her, and hoping that she wouldn't try to intercept her on the way to the agency.

She released a breath of relief when she made it to the DEO's parking garage without Kara trying to stop her. Her phone had been ringing off the hook since she'd left Kara's loft, and when she checked the phone, she read the most recent text that Kara had sent.

 **Kara** :  _If I don't hear anything from you within the next ten minutes, I'm going to follow your heartbeat straight to you, Alexandra Grey, because I'm tired of you toying with my heart. You either want to be with me, or you don't. I'm done being left in the middle ground._

Alex felt horrible for what she'd done and cursed herself for selfishly trying to indulge in Kara's presence one last time. But that text was sent six minutes ago, so she had to hurry, grab the serum and syringe and get to the sparring room.

She rushed through the DEO, found the syringe in her desk, and got to the sparring room just in time to feel a gush of wind behind her.

She closed her eyes, gulped down her trepidation, and let out a long, anxiety filled, breath before turning around and facing Kara. "I'm sorry." She said, tears threatening to fall. "For everything… This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so selfish none of this would have ever happened."

"What are you talking about, Alex? You aren't making a lick of sense." The hero said incredulously. "You're not selfish for loving me!"

Alex let out a humorless laugh because,  _YES_ … She  _was_  selfish for loving Kara. She didn't deserve her,  **NO ONE**  deserved her, least of all Alex. "I am selfish for loving you. I'm selfish for spending time with you. I'm selfish for earning your trust, for going to your house for Thanksgiving, and I'm even selfish for watching Grey's Anatomy with you because that's your favorite show and now I've tainted it with my lies."

Kara looked devastated that Alex would talk about herself in such a terrible way, but Alex knew if Kara understood the full story, she'd feel the exact same way about her.

Alex walked over to the Kryptonite level controls and raised it to 100%, rendering Kara completely powerless.

"A-Alex, what the fuck?" Kara asked, trying, and failing to stop Alex, because, without her powers, Kara might still be stronger than the Agent, but Alex was quicker, more tactful. "Alex, this isn't funny! Stop it!"

Alex hated this; she knew how terrified Kara was of being powerless, primarily when someone else was in control of it. "Kara, Kara please just… calm down. I need to tell you some things, and I don't want you to have the ability to heat vision me to death." She tried to explain.

Kara didn't seem to be comfortable with the circumstances and appeared to be completely on edge about the entire interaction -rightfully so, might she add-, but to Alex's delight, Kara trusted her enough to let things play out.

She backed up and nodded her head, allowing Alex to state her case.

 _This is it_. Alex thought while anxiety and dread were coursing through her.

"When I was fourteen years old, I stared out my bedroom window, and watched my mother and father accept a foster child from their friend Clark Kent, who is known to the world as Superman." Alex started. She paused, searching Kara's eyes for any sign of recognition, but found none. Kara furrowed her brow, confusion evident on her face, but she stayed silent.

The agent sighed but continued, "I wasn't the biggest fan for the first few weeks, but as the weeks turned into months, I started falling for this magnificent girl. One night, about two years after she came to my home, she had a specially bad dream. She came into my bed and told me that I made her feel safe, and that was when I told her that I would protect her with my life, that I never wanted to live without her again because I was in love with her. That was when I asked if I could kiss her for the first time, and both of our first kisses."

Kara's eyes were shining as if she was utterly divulged into the story, but that nothing sounded familiar, which just added another cut in Alex's already tattered heart.

She let out a shaky breath and continued to talk. "After that, we started sneaking behind my mom's back, because she was convinced that my foster and I were, in fact,  _real_  sisters, but it didn't feel like that to us, so we hid it from everyone. We went to homecoming together and, and to our junior prom together, and pretended we just didn't want to mess around with the boys. but then, one day, something horrible happened..." She trailed off, hoping that Kara would remember and put the last of the pieces together.

"Why did Kal-El drop an innocent little girl off to your parents?" Kara asked, irritation clear in her voice. "That's such a cowardly thing to do. He did the same thing with me to the Danvers! He's so immature, and I-,"

"YOU ARE ELLE!" Alex yelled.

Kara looked at her with bewilderment all over her face. "What?"

"Goddamn it, Kara!" Alex choked back a sob. "I'm not Alex Grey. I'm Alex Danvers, your foster sister. We were in love, but Mom tore us apart. You were terrified of losing another family, so you dumped me. You broke my heart, and I've never been able to get over you. I've dated both men and women before finding Maggie and accepting that I'm gay, but I broke up with her. I told her it was because I wanted kids, but everyone, except you, knew that it was because she wasn't you. No one can compare to you, Kara." She paused to wipe away the endless tears that had started to fall. "I'm sorry I lied to you, but Maxw-,"

Kara let out a bloodcurdling screech and fell to her knees as she grasped her head. "Ah! W-what's happening?"

Alex's heart is propelling itself out of her chest…  _It's happening… It's happening_ _right now_. She thought as she rushed over to Kara's side and pulled out the syringe.

She hated seeing Kara suffer, wanted to put her out of her misery, wanted this to all end, but she had to wait… Three minutes. One hundred and eighty seconds... That's all she had to wait for the memory erasure to be at the right stage.

"A-Alex, p-please, help me," Kara begged as she reached a hand towards the woman she'd trusted. She'd ended up on her side, curled into the fetal position as she tried to release any amount of pain she could.

Alex let out a pained whimper. "I will sweetie; I will. Just fifty more seconds, okay? I promise. I will help you."

Kara looked up at her from the floor with pleading eyes. "Pl-please, Alex. It hurts!" She screamed tearfully.

Alex's face was covered in tears, her nose running rapidly. "Thirty more seconds, angel. Please hold out for me. Please. This will all be over soon."

Kara's nose was bleeding, no doubt from the incredible pressure inside of her brain, and Alex wanted nothing more to stop it. Her heart was destroyed, her tears were never-ending, and the guilt and dread churned her stomach like no other.

"Ten more seconds, Kar', That's all you have left, and this will all go away."

The Kryptonian was writhing in pain by the time Alex brought the syringe to the back of Kara's neck. "This will fix it all, Kar'. This will make everything better."

Before Kara could even question what Alex was talking about, Alex stuck the needle into Kara's brain stem, and injected her with the -now orange- serum.

Within seconds Kara's writhing body was motionless, and Alex fell back onto her knees. She exhaled through her tears and sniffed her nose before she ever-so-carefully lifted Kara into her arms and carried her out to the med bay.

**XXX**

Fifteen hours, thirty-seven minutes, and forty-six seconds was how long Alex had been waiting at Kara's bedside. Lena had offered to take the first eight-hour shift to monitor Kara, but Alex had refused. She was the one that had caused this all to happen; she would be there when Kara woke up…  _if_  Kara woke up.

Finally, as Alex had her forehead rested upon the plastic mattress that her foster-sister's unconscious form laid upon, Kara let out a pained groan.

Alex's head snapped up, her eyes locked onto Kara's grimacing face. "K-Kara?"

Ocean blue met hazel green. "Alex? What the hell happened?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Do you think Kara remembers everything?


	14. Chapter 14

Alex’s heart was beating rapidly, so rapidly in fact that Kara’s eyes were flooded with concern. “Alex? Are you alright?”

The older Danvers offered the Kryptonian a half smile. There were so many questions running through Alex’s mind; the agent couldn’t decide which one to ask first. So, she just let the next thought that came to her pass through her lips. “What’s my name?” She asked with a shaky voice.

Kara furrowed her brow but chuckled. “I just said it twice… You’re Alex.”

Alex shook her head, swallowing back tears of fear. “What’s my full name?”

Kara squinted at her, a perplexed expression on her face. “Alexandra…”

Alex exhaled. “First, middle, and last name, Kara.”

Kara let out a giggle but gave in and replied. “You’re Alexandra Elise Danvers. You were born and raised in Midvale. Your favorite color is black, your wardrobe is basically filled with all the same clothing, and you hate seafood with a burning passion.”

Alex’s heart was pounding. She was thrilled that Kara seemed to remember her but was terrified to know what else she remembered. “What do you remember?”

“I was sleeping on my couch, when I felt a huge excruciating pain rush through my body -which felt an awful lot like Kryptonite-  before something hit my head and knocked me out. I woke up and found myself chained up in some empty waterpark office with a massive migraine, and Max Lord explained to me that he was going to take away the thing you loved most in the world, before I blacked out again. I woke up one more time, and I was still chained up, and I felt helpless. But then I saw that you were on FaceTime, talking to me. I wanted _so badly_ to hug you and make your pain go away, but I was ready to say my goodbyes because I thought for sure he was going to kill me. The next thing I knew, he injected me with something that felt like magma in my veins… Then I woke up here; with you acting like I’m supposed not to remember anything, including you, apparently.” Kara chuckled. “I could never forget _you_ , Alex.”

Alex wanted to laugh at the irony of Kara’s last statement, but she couldn’t; she was too numb to do so… She had no idea what to feel. She was relieved that Kara was looking at her like she was important again; with love, and adoration, and respect in her eyes… No subtle darkness behind those ocean blue irises. She looked at peace, and that was something that gave comfort to Alex.

But, it was a bittersweet relief because Kara didn’t remember anything from the past few months. Didn’t remember being in love with Alex again… _wasn’t_ in love with Alex anymore. And going from Kara looking at her like she had when they were teens, to how she had been looking at Alex for the past decade, stung in a way she hadn’t predicted; she knew it would be heartbreaking, but she had no idea it’d be _this_ devastating… It hurt far worse than she could have ever possibly imagined.

She leaned forward and hugged Kara as tightly as she could. “I’m glad you’re okay, Kar’.”

Kara tightly held the agent to her chest. “Of course, I’m okay, Lex. Maxwell Lord’s got nothing on me, and there is absolutely nothing that could make me forget my sister.  Not even being kidnapped by Lord.”

Alex let out a small laugh and shook her head… Kara had _no idea_ what Max had been able to do.

“You did… For a while.” Alex informed.

Kara furrowed her brow. “What?”

“The serum Maxwell injected you with was one that let him wipe away whatever memories he wanted to wipe… It took Lena, Winn, and myself almost five months to figure out how to reverse it.” The agent informed.

Kara’s face fell, and Alex could see a mix of emotions scouring her face. “How could that be possible? H-how could I forget you? You’re the most important person in my life!”

Alex smiled sadly. It was nice to hear Kara say that again, but it hurt to know that it wasn’t meant the same way it had been just twenty-four hours earlier. “It’s fixed now, though. You remember me, so it doesn’t really matter.” She lied.

Kara frowned. “It matters to me. You have to know that I love you, Alex. I have no idea how he managed to make me forget you, but I don’t know how I was able to survive without you. I’m so sor-”

Alex shook her head. “We were friends.” She admitted, hating that she was giving this bit of information away, but refusing to let Kara take the blame for _Alex’s_ faults. “Even though you didn’t know who I was, you still wanted me in your life. So, I do know that you love me, Kar’. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Stop apologizing.”

**XXX**

J’onn and Alex had agreed to give Kara time to remember the past few months on her own. They didn’t want to try to tell her all of the things that had happened, and cause unknown damage to her brain… She could remember everything on her own, and she could never remember a damn thing from the time she’d been amnesiac; and if she never did, well… Would it really be that bad?

A few hours later, Kara and Alex were resting on Alex’s couch. Kara was sitting on the far-left cushion, with Alex’s head rested on her lap. It was amazing to have the _real_ Kara back. She didn’t have to pretend to be someone she wasn’t anymore. Currently, the only bad thing about the entire situation was that Eliza was going to be there the following day, and Alex would once again be forced to pretend that she was on good terms with her for Kara’s sake.

 “You know, whenever I think about Grey’s Anatomy it feels like there’s more meaning to it now… I don’t know why; it just feels… better.” Kara said, her tone somewhere between confused, and peaceful.

Alex held her breath. That sounded a lot like Kara’s brain trying to piece things together. “Yeah? Why’s that?”

Kara laughed. “I really don’t know… I guess it just reaffirms my belief that it’s the best show on television.”

The agent had no idea how to respond to that, so she just let her head rest on Kara’s lap, closed her eyes, and tried her hardest to push every problem they’d recently encountered out of her mind for now… At that particular moment, she just wanted to bathe in the presence of her sister.

 

**XXX**

The next thing Alex knew, her eyes opened, and the sun was no longer shining… Which meant she’d fallen asleep sometime throughout their cuddle fest.

When she sat up, she noticed that Kara wasn’t in the living room, or anywhere in sight, and began to panic. “Kara?” She called out, her voice trembling.

“I’m out here, Alex. I’m okay,” Kara called from the balcony, her voice sounding strained.

Alex relaxed into the couch. _Thank God this wasn’t a dream too._ She thought as she stood up and walked towards the balcony doors.

She slid them open and walked out, to see Kara, sitting on a chair staring out at the skyline. “I’m having weird dreams, Alex.” She said. “They _feel_ like they actually happened; like they’re memories.  But they can’t be… because you’re my sister. You’ve always been my sister.”

Alex’s chest tightened. If the dreams are what she was 99.9% sure they were, this could be the end. “I’m whatever you want me to be.” She whispered.

Their eyes met, tear-stained blue met widened hazel. “I…I'm very confused right now, and I have a lot of questions. So, will you be my clarity?” Kara asked in a still small voice and offered Alex her hand.

Alex nodded and took Kara’s hand, sitting down beside her. “Whatever you need to ask, I’ll answer to the best of my abilities.” She said, feeling her heart break. SHe knew the outcome of this wasn't going to be in her favor. Once Kara realized her dreams were reality, she'd want nothing to do with her anymore.

 “Did I call you Agent Grey?”

Alex averted her eyes, she knew where this conversation was going now, and she felt the world crumbling out from beneath her. “Yes.” She croaked out.

“So… You really did go to Thanksgiving with me?”

Alex nodded, averting her eyes. “Yes.”

“Did you and Eliza really pretend to be strangers?”

Alex nodded again.

“Have you really abstained from alcohol?”

“I have.” Alex nodded, feeling pride build up inside her chest as she saw the proud smile Kara was sending her way.

“That’s amazing, Alex. I’m really, _really_ proud of you. With as hard as the past five months must have been for you, I can’t even imagine how difficult it was to stay away from the bar.”

“Well, I made you a promise, and I always keep my word when it comes to you.” She admitted bashfully, looking down to the small space between them.

Kara put her hand beneath Alex’s chin and forced her to look into pools of baby blue. “I’m Elle?”

Alex whimpered, the floodgates opening, and her tears gushing. “Please, Kara.” She cried. “I can’t take anything else turning against me. I couldn’t take it if you decided to hate me. I love you, I ‘ve always loved you, but I know that you only want to be sisters, oaky? I know that, and I can accept that. I know that I fucked up when I let you kiss me. I know that, and I’m so so-,”

She was cut off by Kara’s fingers pinching her lips shut. “My turn to talk.” Kara chuckled.

Alex nodded with wide eyes as Kara held her lips shut.

“When we broke up, my heart shattered, Alex. I was so in love with you that I didn’t know if I could survive without you, but Eliza would have sent one of us away. Would have taken you out of my life completely if I hadn’t broken up with you, so I figured that having you in my life as a sister, versus not having you in my life at all would be the better option. Plus, I really didn’t want to have to lose another family, I love Eliza, she’s done so much for me; more than I could ever repay.”

Alex nodded. “I know that, of course, I know that.” She tried to reply, but Kara was still holding her lips together, so it came out in a jumbled murmur.

“I moved on; I dated other people. I even dated a misogynistic Dude Bro from my rival planet. You moved on; you even got engaged to a detective… but there was something wrong about it all. We both knew it, and we still know it now.” She let go of Alex’s lips. “Do you know what I’m talking about?”

Alex hoped with all her might that she knew, but she didn’t want to risk saying the wrong thing. “M-maybe?”

Kara smiled, cupped Alex’s cheek, and leaned in so close that their breaths mingled; causing Alex’s heart to beat rapidly. Was this the moment all of her dreams finally came true? Or was Kara tormenting her for kissing her without conscious consent? “They weren’t you, and she wasn’t me… So they could never be what we wanted.”

Alex’s breath hitched, could this mean… “Kara?” She asked breathily.

Kara smiled, her eyes alight with love and tenderness before she leaned in and connected their lips in a zealous kiss.

Kara’s lips were warm and tasted of honey. Her hands were wrapped around Alex’s neck. Fireworks were shooting through the agent’s body as euphoria clouded every aspect of her soul. Alex had never thought that this would happen again, but here she was, kissing the absolute love of her life like she hadn’t been able to survive without her.

When they pulled back, they rested their foreheads together and breathed in each other’s presence.

“I never thought you’d ever do that again.” Alex admitted, “but I’m so fucking glad that you did.”

Kara looked giggled. “Believe me; I am too. I never realized what was missing, never realized that I hadn’t fallen out of love with you until these memories came back to me… It all made sense then. The only reason I tried to fall out of love with you was that I thought you had to be my sister, if that had never happened, we would have been happily married by now. Back then we had to be each other's sister, but now we don’t have to be anymore. Alien amnesty is a thing now. All I have to do is say that I’m an Andromedan instead of a Kryptonian, and file for-,”

“No,” Alex said with a shake of her head. “None of that is legally necessary, Kara. If you want me, you’ve got me… you always have. Nothing else needs to be done. Legally speaking, we’re not related. The only one who has ever seen us as sisters is Eliza.”

Kara gave her a wary look. “Are you sure?”

Alex nodded. “It’s completely legal now.”

Kara smiled. “So, you’re mine now?”

Alex smiled, her heart filling with so much love and euphoria that she thought she might suffocate from it all... Which was quite alright with her. “I always have been.”

Kara leaned in and kissed her tenderly once more; sending waves of arousal straight to Alex’s core. She still couldn’t believe that this was all real; she had Kara there with her; the _real_ Kara, and she wanted her. She was kissing her, and holding her, and loving her. She _wanted_ her, and Alex didn’t think she would ever come down from the high that Kara was causing her.

Nothing could ruin this moment. Nothing and no one could ever ruin this for her now, because she would do whatever it took to keep Kara at her side until the end of time.

And then she remembered how disapproving her mother would be of this, how Kara still considered Eliza, her mother, how Kara would never risk losing her family again, and then the dread crept in again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Do you think Eliza will approve?


	15. Chapter 15

Waking up with a warm Kryptonian body on top of her was something that Alex could get used to, especially when the gorgeous cobalt eyes were staring down at her with so much love it almost took her breath away.

“Kara… It wasn’t a dream?” She asked, her heart swelling with so much jubilation she thought it might explode.

Kara smiled down tenderly at her. “Our kisses, love confessions, and cuddles?” Alex nodded, with wide, hopeful eyes, and a fluttering stomach. Kara smiled. “Every bit was reality.”

The amount of happiness Alex felt just from Kara confirming that she regretted nothing that they shared the night prior, far surpassed her mental comprehension… She hadn’t felt happy in what felt like years and hadn’t felt _this_ happy, ever in her life.

She smiled up at Kara, and drank her in.

Her captivating eyes.  
Her ambrosial lips.  
Her pacifying warmth.  
Her effulgent existence.  
**_Her._**

Everything about Kara mesmerized Alex, from the way she smiled; to the little scar above her eyebrow. The older Danvers loved Kara when she was flustered; she loved her when she was bold and brave as Supergirl. She loved her; in all ways, at all times, in all circumstances; and nothing, no matter what happened, could change that.

“I love you, Kara... Like… _Really_ , really, love you.” She groaned at her ineptness to verbalize her feelings when Kara laughed aloud.

“I love you too, you goof.” She murmured as she leaned in and connected their lips.

When Kara pulled back, Alex tried once more to express the depth of the love she felt for Kara. “No, Kara… I just…” She shook her head and groaned frustratedly as she sat up against the headboard and looked at Kara’s gorgeous face. She was determined to explain just exactly how much she loved Kara. “I.. I’m not good at this gooey, sappy, stuff, so just bear with me, okay? Because I need to get this out here, but I don’t know how to do it as romantically as you do.”

Kara cupped Alex’s face and the sheer amount of love shown in her exquisite ocean blue eyes caused Alex's heart to do somersaults in her chest. “The moment I spotted you as I stared out my window, I was instantly addicted to you. You’re like a drug to me… Only you’re not, because instead of ruining my life, you made my life worth living. You risked your life, your identity, your place on this earth, just to save my plane. Only so that you wouldn’t lose me, and no one, not even Mom, would have risked it all for me like that.  
 You are my reason to smile, Kar’. You are the only thing that gives me the motivation to breathe some days; because I know that you want me to live and although I don’t know why you love me, I refuse to hurt you by dying.  
I don’t know when you decided I was good enough for you, because I’m _not_ you are sunshine, and hope, and love… I’m darkness, and pain, and distrust; but I will do everything in my power to make you happy, Kara. I love you, and I’d rather have a billion bad days with you, than ten billion good ones with Maggie, or anyone else… Because with you, I’m comfortable and I know that I can sit next to you in complete silence or I could talk endlessly with you about absolutely nothing and you wouldn't judge me.  
You see me at my worst and act like I’m perfect. I can be happy about little things with you even though you know my imperfections. I feel safe with you, and I need you to know that it means everything to me. So, if you want me, Kara; I’m yours; because I will never be anyone else’s; not really. You could break my heart, and move on and the _instant_ you called, I’d come running back to you. That’s the depth of my love for you, Kara Zor-El… Nothing will ever compare.”

Kara’s eyes shone with adoration and love as she stared into Alex’s soul. “Alex, I’ve never been more in love with you than I am in this moment. Of course, I’d risk it all to save you, because my life isn’t worth living if it doesn’t have you in it.”

Alex smiled. “It will always have me in it, because I don’t want a fairytale ending with you. Where we just live fifty years together and then I die. I plan on living just as long as you, and it won’t always be sunshine and rainbows; it’ll be real, and raw, and we will fight, and have failures, and be terrified at points, but I want to overcome it all with you. You’re it for me, Kara. So, say that no matter what happens, you’ll fight for me, because I’m not easy to love, but I will do my damnedest to be worthy of you.”

Kara leaned in and kissed her. “I love you enough that I will fight for you every day, and if the need arises I will sacrifice the world for you. I may be Supergirl, but without you I couldn’t be anything but a scared, and emotionally stunted Kryptonian with enough baggage to sink the world.”

Alex wanted to tell her that she would rather Kara save the world over her, but she knew that if she were in that same predicament: Earth or Kara; she’d choose Kara every time. So instead of arguing she leaned in and kissed her fervently.

“I love you so much,” Kara murmured into the kiss.

Alex smiled against Kara’s perfect lips. “I love you so much more.”

Kara leaned back and playfully glared at her. “Want me to prove that I love you more?” She asked inquisitively, her tone seductive as she gripped the hem of the Agent’s pajama shorts.

Alex gulped; as much as she wanted to make love to Kara, she wasn’t quite sure if Kara would like what she saw if she undressed her. When they were teenagers, Alex’s body was attractive; but it’d been fifteen years since they had fooled around. Fifteen years of Alex making stupid decisions and hurting herself. Fifteen years of cuts, scratches, broken bones, incisions, stretch marks, and scars. She had so many scars on her body, and stretch marks in places that weren’t exactly subtle on her hip, she wasn’t sure Kara could love her.

She nervously chewed at her lips, and averted her eyes; trying desperately not to cue Kara in on her melancholy thought process as she nodded; she didn’t want to deny Kara, but she didn’t want Kara to be repulsed by what she would see… She’d just gotten her back and was terrified that this would ruin it all.

Kara’s hand pulled back, and then her body lifted off of Alex. “Oh, gee… I’m so sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean to pressure you. IF you don’t want to, we absolutely do _not_ have to. I was jus-,”

Alex couldn’t stand seeing the fear and guilt in Kara’s eyes, so she decided honesty was the only way to go; because quite frankly she was tired of hiding herself from Kara, and Kara deserved to know the truth anyway. “No, Kara… I absolutely want this, but I’m… I’m terrified that once you undress me, you won’t like what you find.”

Kara’s face fell. “Alexandra Danvers, you’re absolutely perfect, and I will love every inch of you that I get to see. If you could watch yourself sleeping, curled up and squirming around adorably as you did so. If you could see yourself studying something under a microscope with your forehead furrowed ever-so-slightly. If you could see yourself looking at someone with love and tenderness in your heart… If it were possible to make a mirror follow you around every time you’re laughing and smiling, and you’re exuding happiness; you would know exactly how perfect you are. Because in those moments alone; you make me breathless, and nothing could ever make me feel different about you. You’re gorgeous, Alex. You’re so incredibly beautiful to me… You make me complete. You make me smile when I have no reason to. Whenever everything in my life is going to hell, all I have to do is call you and you make everything better. I love you so much that it hurts me sometimes. There’s no one else that could ever compare to you, Alex because to me; you're the epitome of perfection.”

Alex swallowed thickly at the lump in her throat. Kara’s speech did something to her that hadn’t happened in years; made her want to show off her body. She slowly reached to the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head before she wiggled her way out of her pajama shorts and laid down, spreading herself out for Kara to inspect. She was terrified that her body would prove Kara wrong, but she wanted to show Kara just how much she had of her.

Kara’s eyes glossed over, and a mesmerized expression took residence on her face. “Oh, Baby, you’re stunning.” She murmured, causing Alex’s heart to swell.

Kara leaned in, and slowly started to kiss Alex’s neck, her talented fingers working at already taut nipples.

 _I want you, so, so much, Kar’._ Alex thought as Kara continued to kiss every inch of her body.

Every time Alex felt Kara’s soft lips connect with her body; new waves of electric swam through her. Kara kissed her body tenderly, paying attention to every nook and crevice; exploring her in a way that Alex never wanted to end. She found new erogenous zones that even Alex had previously been unaware she had.

“I love you.” Kara crooned before she nipped at Alex’s thighs, causing the older Danvers to startle and moan.

“I love you too, Kar’.” She whispered breathlessly.

Kara smiled against her thigh, looking up at her. “May I?” She asked tenderly as she gestured towards Alex’s unshaved core. The agent nodded shakily, and before she knew it, Kara’s tongue swiped through her apex.

Alex moaned loudly as she felt Kara’s tongue penetrate her slit, swirling around inside of her before pulling out and ramming back in just to repeat itself, while Kara’s hands were gently caressing Alex’s abdomen, sides, and thighs. It was incredible, and Alex was seeing stars.

Kara kept licking her in all the right ways. Her tongue was faster than any vibrator the agent had ever had, and more skillful than Alex’s fingers. Alex watched as Kara lapped at her juices, and then refocused her attention to her clit.

As soon as the vibration of Kara’s tongue came into contact with her sensitive nub of nerves, Alex saw white; her orgasm came crashing down on her, and her body seized and tensed mercilessly as Kara worked her magic. “K-KARA! Oh, _FUCK_ YES!” She screamed as she grasped the sheets at her sides, trying to focus on the most amazing orgasm of her life.

Kara lifted her head for just a moment to murmur. “I love you, baby. You look gorgeous like this.” Before she went back to devouring Alex’s

As soon as her orgasm wound down, Kara stuck two fingers inside of Alex’s core and helped her ride out the aftershocks. Alex rode her fingers greedily, not wanting Kara to stop making love to her.

Kara continued to gently caress Alex’s nub with her thumb as her index and middle fingers stayed inside of the sopping wet core, and leaned over Alex, connecting their lips. “You looked absolutely stunning, Alex. I’m never going to stop doing that.”

Alex was breathing heavily, Kara had just given her the most powerful orgasm of her entire life, and she was already on the verge of another one. “K-Kara, I want to make you feel good too.” She breathed out.

Kara smiled against the nook of Alex’s bare neck and nodded. “In time baby, but right now is about you.”

And just as she said that she used her superspeed to vibrate her fingers. The ones inside of her lover going in and out so fast it caused Alex to go breathless, and the other one rapidly rubbing circles around her clit, which caused Alex’s eyes to roll back in her head and an orgasm to shoot through her like a firecracker. “Oh, OH! Kara!” She yelled at the top of her lungs.

“That’s right, baby. Come for me, come hard.” Kara whispered gravely into her ear before speeding up her fingers and connecting their lips.

Alex writhed beneath Kara’s strong Kryptonian form, and moaned into the kiss once more… She was almost entirely spent, and it wasn’t even nine o’clock in the morning.

When Alex had finally ridden out the last of her orgasm, Kara leaned up, and smiled a shy smile. “You seemed to enjoy that.”

Alex laughed. “Goddamn, you’re amazing.”

At Kara’s blush, Alex’s heart melted. “I love you, so much, and I want to return the favor.”

“Don’t you mean fav _ors_?” Kara asked smugly.

They both laughed for a moment, before Alex laid on her side, her abdomen pressing against Kara’s side. She brought her hand to the hem of Kara’s pajama pants. “May I?” She crooned.

Kara nodded. “If you don’t I’m going to die.”

Alex smiled and leaned over to kiss Kara soundly as she slipped her hand into the Kryptonian’s bottoms and between her folds. Alex was joyously shocked to feel how wet Kara was, and they both moaned as she began exploring her.

Just as she stuck her fingers inside of Kara, the Kryptonian’s eyes went wide. “Alex, STOP!” She said frantically; which caused Alex’s heart to plummet into her stomach.

“Wh-why? What’s wrong” she asked, pausing her movements but staying inside of Kara.

Kara’s eyes widened and darted to the door just before it opened, and Eliza stood in the doorway with a furious expression on her face. “ALEXANDRA DANVERS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!? GET OFF OF HER!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops... Did _I _do that? ;)__
> 
> __What do you think Eliza's going to have to say about this?_ _


	16. Chapter 16

Alex froze as she realized what her mother must be thinking right now.

Dread coursed through her. She slowly pulled her hand out of Kara’s pants and hid it behind her back as she looked at Kara who had terrified eyes.

Eliza marched into the apartment and roughly yanked Alex from the bed. “I raised you to be a strong, independent, and respectable feminist; but instead you pine after your _little sister_ for over a decade and then as soon as you find her in a position where you can take advantage of her you **_RAPE_** her!”

Alex’s stomach rapidly twisted, and her head throbbed at the insinuation… She’d _never_ intentionally do anything without Kara’s coherent consent. “Mom, I-.”

“ **DON’T** ‘Mom’ me, and don’t try to deny what you’ve done! I’m calling the police and having you arrested! How **_DARE_ ** you! I heard her begging you to stop! Alex, she’s your _sister_! You’re supposed to protect her, and help her in any way that you can, but instead, you decide doing… _That_ is what you’d prefer to do! You’ve defiled her! Look at her, Alex! Just look! Does she seem to be having a pleasant time? If you think her horrified expression is her enjoying herself, then you are _absolutely_ out of your mind! You’re _sick_!”

 Alex felt like she was going to suffocate on her sobs. “Mommy, please!” She begged. “We’re in love! Can’t you see that?”

Eliza shook her head angrily. “Kara could never love you like that because she _isn’t_ interested in incestuous lesbianism! If she thinks she loves you right now, it’s most certainly because that ‘cure’ you and the Luthor woman found has had some effect on her consciousness! She’s not in her right mind! I will always love you, Alex… but this is too far. I was afraid you’d do something like this, but I always gave you the benefit of the doubt;  I thought you loved your sister enough to respect her, but I was wrong, and that’s on me. I should have trusted my instincts and put you in boarding school when I had the chance... This is all my fault.”

Alex’s throat constricted from unshed tears as she looked over to Kara, who had an expression of utter fury on her face…  She couldn’t tell if Kara was directing it towards Eliza, or Alex, and that only terrified her more… Had the cure corrupted her mind and made her susceptible to being persuaded into things she wouldn’t typically want to do? _Had_ she forced Kara into this?

The thought destroyed her, and she collapsed to her knees, a broken sob ripped from her throat. “Call them.” She whispered shakily. “Or just shoot me. Whichever you prefer.”

As soon as she finished speaking, Kara broke from her silence and flew over to Alex to put herself between Alex and the eldest Danvers. “Eliza just shut the fuck up!” Kara yelled as she knelt down and cradled Alex in her arms as the agent’s body racked with sobs. “For fourteen years I’ve let you decide _everything_ for me; because I am eternally indebted to you for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve given me a home, food, a family, and you gave me  Alex.  
 I’ve sat back and let you break us up because of your idiotic human customs, I’ve let you belittle Alex to the ground because for the longest time I thought that was what a mother-daughter relationship was like on Earth, but as I sit here, watching Alex get accused of absolutely  horrendous crimes, I’ve realized that you’re not being a mother to her, you’re being the worst type of bully that there is! Alex has _always_ been there for me. She’s the one person that I can be myself with. She’s the one that I always look to for support, guidance, and acceptance. She’s my home now, far more than Midvale ever could be, and I’m not letting you sit back and make her feel worthless any longer. She did _not_ rape me! _I_ initiated the sex; I initiated this, I kissed her first… Even when we were children, I kissed her first. She’s never done anything wrong, all she’s ever done was try to make you proud, to protect me, and to be the best person she could be… She’s succeeded at _all_ of that except making you proud, because to you, Alex could never be good enough.   
She got Ph.D., an MD, and a Doctorate in Alien Anatomy, and is working with a government agency that protects people like me, and all you can do is tell her she’s not good enough. Why, Eliza? Why isn’t she good enough when she is the most incredible human on this godforsaken planet? Can you honestly give me one good reason why you aren’t proud of her? I look at her and all I can do is feel pride and love overwhelm me, but you have your head shoved so deep in the sand you can’t see how amazing your daughter grew up to be…  
And as for me not ‘being into incestuous lesbianism’ you’re _absolutely_ right… I’m not, and never have been.  
I’m into love, though… and I’m in love with your daughter. Your magnificent, talented, intelligent, kind and beautiful daughter who is not, and has never been, my sister and you are not my mother! We’ve always acknowledged that you aren’t so I don’t understand how Alex and I could be sisters… So, whether you like it or not, I’m going to be with her, and if it bothers you, or anyone else, you can just forget that we exist because your approval isn’t needed for us to be happy… Not anymore.”

Alex was still crying, but she was staring up at the Kryptonian who was cradling her and staring Eliza down with cold, hard eyes. Her heart swelled with happiness, and gratefulness that Kara wasn’t going to let Eliza stand in their way as she had feared she would… Kara was choosing _Alex_ over having a family.

Eliza glared at Alex. “I can’t believe you’d do this to her!” She said tearfully as she took the key to Alex’s apartment off of her keychain and threw it onto the bed. She turned around and walked to the door when Kara stopped her with words Alex couldn’t believe would ever come from the effervescent woman’s mouth.

“Oh, go fuck yourself, Eliza. The only thing Alex has ever done was love me the way I’ve always needed.” She asserted before she used her super breath and blew the door closed behind the older woman.

Alex giggled through her tears at Kara’s petulance and sat up, looking worriedly at her… girlfriend(?). “Are you sure you aren’t going to regret that?”

Kara shook her head. “No. Because she needed to hear it, and because I know that in a few months we will be one big happy family again… she just needs time to adjust to the fact that she can’t stop us anymore. She loves us both, Alex. She always has, and she always will…. She’s just…” She shook her head and let out an exasperated breath. “She’s scared for us both, not just you… But she feels more comfortable taking it out on you rather than the girl from a lost world.”

The corner of Alex’s lips curved downwards. “I wish she wouldn’t.”

Kara pulled Alex tightly to her chest. “I know baby… I do too” She whispered as she planted a kiss atop Alex’s auburn hair.

**XXX**

They were cuddling in Alex’s bed after eating three pizzas together when Alex finally couldn’t hold in the question any longer. “Do you regret having sex with me?” She asked worriedly.

Kara frowned. “Why in Rao’s name would you ask me such a thing?”

Alex averted her eyes. “Because what Mom said makes me worry that in a couple of days the alkaloid’s side effects will wear off and you’ll realize what you’ve done, what you’ve said, and you’re going to hate me… That you’re going to run back to Midvale with Mom and you’re both going to start an anti-Alexandra Danvers committee, and you’ll never look at me with love in your eyes again… I’m worried that you didn’t actually give consent. That you were persuaded to do all of this without genuinely want-,” Alex was interrupted by Kara’s lips slamming against hers. She kissed back immediately, unable to resist Kara when she was so freely offering herself, even if there were doubts and worries about Kara’s inebriation clouding her mind now.

“You can run whatever tests you need to on me, if it will put your beautiful mind at ease. I’m here, clear minded, and in love with you. There is absolutely nothing you need to worry about. Whatever lies ahead, we will face together. If anything, we can move to another town, state, country… Hell, I’ll even move to another planet if you want. Another universe if you’d like… I know working with Barry was always a blast, and he would understand where we’re coming from… He _married_ his foster sister.”

Alex smiled. “Barry is the best.”

“No.” Kara asserted as she shook her head. “ _You_ are the best. Barry is… fine.”

Alex chuckled and shook her head. “I love you,”

She was gifted a beaming smile before Kara’s lips connected with hers in a tender kiss. “I love you too, Alex.” The Kryptonian whispered against the agent’s lips.

**XXX**

Alex read over Kara’s toxicology reports for the tenth time, just to make sure that she was reading them correctly. “They’re all negative… Every last one.” She murmured, happiness and astonishment overflowing her system.

Lena scoffed teasingly. “Of course, they are, Alex. All three of us tested the antidote multiple times, what were you expecting to find? Kryptonian crack?”

They both laughed momentarily before Alex shook her head. “She really wants me.” She declared in awe.

Lena smiled. “Yes. She does.”

“Nothing is making her want me this time… Just _her_.”

The billionaire put her hand on Alex’s shoulder and smiled at her. “Yes,” She confirmed again.

“Out of everyone in all of outer space, she chose _me_.” She couldn’t believe it… After all these years, she’d wholeheartedly believed that she would never get Kara’s love back. That she would never be able to kiss Kara. That Kara would only ever see her as her human big sister… But nothing was distorting Kara’s mind… Nothing was confusing her… Nothing and no one was making Kara want her except _Kara’s_ heart.

She smiled. “Holy shit… She wants me.”

Lena smiled. “She does, and you’re a lucky gal, Agent Danvers. Don’t mess this up, because I won’t hesitate to make a move if you do.” Lena winked, but Alex knew she was telling the truth… Lena Luthor had it for Kara almost as bad as Alex did… _Almost_.

“Don’t hold your breath, Lena. I intend on keeping her this time.”

Lena smiled. “I would tell you to make her happy, but you’ve been doing that for decades longer than I’ve known her.” She stated slyly.

Alex smiled proudly. “And I intend to do so for centuries more.”

Lena’s eyes widened with interest. “Tissue regenerating nanobots?”

Alex nodded. “Yup.”

“Well, then. I’m happy for you both. I’m glad she won’t be outliving you.” Lena said before patting Alex on the back and heading for the DEO elevator. “Tell Kara I will be expecting brunch soon. I’m glad to have her back.” She called as the elevator doors closed in front of her.

Alex smiled. “Not even half as glad as I am.” She murmured.

**XXX**

As soon as Alex made it to Kara’s loft, she opened the door and found Kara making cupcakes. She ran up to her and enveloped her into the tightest hug humanly possible.

“Oof!” Kara said, pretending that Alex’s grip had an effect on her. “What’s this for?”

“You tox screen came back… You really do love me.” Alex announced euphorically.

Kara giggled and turned around, wrapping her arms around Alex’s waist. “I’ve been telling you that for the past three days, Al.”

Alex looked into ocean blue eyes. “I know, but now I can believe it. You want me… You want to _be with me_ , and that’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.”

Kara smiled. “What if I said I wanted to be your girlfriend?”

Alex’s heart flipped in her chest… Hearing that _did_ cause joy to overwhelm her soul, but she had something to give Kara that she’d made when she was eighteen years old. “Well, that would be amazing to hear, but there’s something else I’d rather hear instead… only if you’re ready to say it, that is.”

Kara furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

Alex took in a deep breath, disentangled herself from Kara, and knelt on one knee, taking Kara’s hand with her left hand, and grabbing the Kryptonian Metal ring, with a heart shaped diamond on top. “Kara, I know we haven’t even started dating yet, but I think that waiting fourteen years to do this is long enough. I want you, forever.”  She looked into Kara’s sapphire eyes, watching Kara’s right hand come up to cover her mouth and felt love rush through her. “I had this made my eighteenth birthday because I thought that as soon as you turned eighteen too, we could be together again… and I was right, we could be, I just had the timing wrong, but we’re here now, and I promise you that no one will ever work harder to make you happy. I promise you that no one will cherish you more than I already do. You make me so happy, you’ve been the reason I smile since the day you came into my life, and no matter what happens, I will always be in love with you.  
 You’re my soulmate, Kara Zor-El, and I know that I’m going to spend the rest of eternity with you, whether you marry me or not. Whether you’re with me romantically, or not, but I’d really like you to say yes to what I’m about to ask you… So, Kara Zor-El Danvers, will you do me the greatest honor in the entire multiverse, and marry me?” She finished tearfully as she stared up at Kara with an open, and hopeful heart.

There was a moment of silence as Kara wiped her tears and Alex was starting to panic until; with one firm pull of her arm, Kara had her up on her feet, and in a tight embrace. “Yes! Oh my god, YES!”

Alex’s heart was alight with pure ecstasy as she kissed her fiancée… There were thousands of things that were wrong in her life right now, but none of them matter anymore… Because she had finally, **_FINALLY_** gotten her soulmate back.

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

Eliza and J’onn walked Alex down the aisle. Clark walked Kara down the aisle, and everyone in the audience had joyous smiles on their faces… This was it; this was the moment she’d been waiting for her entire life.

Alex was staring into Kara’s eyes as they stood in front of the priest; Lucy was behind her, and Lena behind Kara as the ceremony started.

They had already worked in traditional Kryptonian nuptials for the ring portion of the wedding but decided to have their actual vows follow Earth’s customs.

“Alexandra Elise Danvers, do you take this woman, Kara Zor-El to be your partner for the rest of eternity? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and respect her, and stay loyal to here from this day forward; for better and worse. For richer and poorer; in all ways, until the very end of time?”

Alex smiled and nodded. “I absolutely do.” She said through tears of joy as she squeezed Kara’s hands.

Kara beamed at her as well just before the officiant asked her the same question.

“Kara Zor-El, do you take this woman, Alexandra Elise Danvers, to be your partner for the rest of eternity? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and respect her, and stay loyal to here from this day forward; for better and worse. For richer and poorer; in all ways, until the very end of time?”

“Yes! I do!” Kara squealed adorably.

Alex’s stomach tingled, and her heart was beating rapidly with joy… It was finally happening; Kara was finally about to be her wife.

The officiant smiled at them before speaking one last time. “You have both made your vows, you have both committed yourselves to each other fully, so you may now kiss your bride.”

As Alex and Kara eagerly surged forward and connected their lips, passion and happiness overwhelmed the Agent. She couldn’t even remember a time where she had been this happy, and she never wanted it to stop.

When they pulled apart, the officiant turned them to face the crowd; where Alex saw Eliza, clapping with a smile on her face and tears of happiness running down her cheeks as J’onn’s arm wrapped around her and he smiled at them earnestly. -It had taken her about three months to come to terms with her daughters' relationship, but she had eventually come around and had been extremely apologetic, and Alex couldn't help but forgive her, Kara had taken longer to forgive, but she'd done so eventually as well.- She saw Cat Grant, James, Winn, Sara and Ava, Barry and Iris, Oliver and Felicity, and Clark and Lois all clapping and smiling right along with them.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce for the very first time Mrs. and Mrs. Zor-El Danvers.” The man announced.

Alex felt Kara grab her hand and intertwine their fingers, and as she looked over to her wife, and met her gorgeous cobalt eyes she knew that although the road was rocky, broken, and detoured multiple times; she’d finally reached her destination... Kara’s loving arms.

“I love you so damn much, Kara Zor-El Danvers.” Alex crooned.

Kara beamed at her and lightly squeezed her wife’s hand. “I love you even more, Alexandra Zor-El Danvers.”

Yeah, she could get used to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for reading! <3


End file.
